


i'd give you my sunshine

by elysianprince



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, Anakin is a widowed father, Canonical Character Death, Communication, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Kid Fic, M/M, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Rating May Change, Reconciliation, Single Parent Anakin Skywalker
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:54:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 26,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26602528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elysianprince/pseuds/elysianprince
Summary: Six years after Anakin Skywalker left the Jedi Order, Obi-Wan Kenobi didn't expect to find himself staying at the home of his former padawan on an extended mission. He also certainly didn't anticipate that their reconciliation would lead to unraveling a conspiracy together, or the secrets they would learn about each other along the way.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 118
Kudos: 320





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The idea for this fic popped in my head a few months back, and then it absolutely ran away from me and now I have like seven chapters outlined? Anyway, please enjoy this rather emotional journey our boys are on. <3  
> Chapters will be posted as they are written.
> 
> Thank you to theinkquiry for being my lovely beta for this chapter and patiently reading through the mess that is my outline.
> 
> The title is from peace by Taylor Swift.

It had been almost six standard years from the moment that his former padawan had resigned from the Jedi Order when the Council called Obi-Wan back from the frontlines of the war for a new mission. He cautiously welcomed the change of pace in hopes that it might keep him more occupied, keep his mind from drifting to the past as it had a tendency to do around that time every year.

The war… Years ago it had seemed to be turning in the Republic’s favor until the mission to rescue the Chancellor after he had been kidnapped by General Grievous. It had been only a few weeks after Anakin had left, and Obi-Wan had wondered a million times how it would have gone differently with Anakin there. Bereft of their bond, he admittedly hadn’t been at his best. During the failure of a rescue mission, Obi-Wan and Mace Windu had managed to apprehend the elusive Count Dooku, but somehow General Grievous had escaped with Palpatine in tow. 

The Separatists had demanded Dooku be traded for the Chancellor, and their hands were truly tied. The Senate voted to go ahead with the exchange, and it had only seemed to snowball from that point onward. The Republic lost its hold on several planets they had maintained for the first year or two of the war, and their forces were stretched incredibly thin in the effort to keep from losing more ground. There was so much death and suffering, Separatist blockades and extreme rationing, and it was having quite a negative impact on public opinion of the Republic and the Jedi.

It seemed every step forward was accompanied by three steps back, and part of Obi-Wan selfishly wished Anakin had been at his side through it all. His presence might have softened the blow of repeatedly losing so many of their men, though he would never wish these horrors on the young man.

His padawan had seen enough in the early years of the war, and Anakin felt so deeply, it would have irrevocably damaged him, leaving scars deeper than the ones on the surface of his skin… scars like the ones Obi-Wan tried to release into the Force with less and less success as the war took its toll. He was tired of fighting, tired of being constantly surrounded by death. He still tried to maintain the ideal Jedi image he had always projected, but it was becoming more and more difficult.

For a moment, the end of the war had seemed near when peace talks led by Senator Amidala were making progress. But before the two sides had reached an agreement, the young, steadfast senator passed away unexpectedly. The loss was a devastating blow to the effort to end the war, and the situation on the frontlines had escalated once more.

Though… the sudden loss was likely even more devastating to the senator’s husband. Their marriage wasn’t exactly public, but the holonet rumor mill had been speculating for years that the Naboo senator had secretly married the famed “Hero with no Fear” Jedi General. But Padmé had somehow successfully kept their relationship and private life out of the public eye for years.

Regretfully, Obi-Wan hadn’t reached out to Anakin when he heard the news about Padmé, worried that his reaching out after not speaking to each other for years would only burden the young man even more in his time of grief. It just hadn’t quite felt right, and why would Anakin have even wanted to hear from his old master anyway? He had made his choice when he walked away six years ago, and Obi-Wan respected that.

The halls of the Temple were quiet, not bustling with life like they had been during his time as a padawan. As he entered the Council Chamber, he took note of who was and wasn’t present. The war had pushed the Jedi Order to the limit, and most of the council was away, serving on the frontlines or dealing with diplomatic matters elsewhere. Master Yoda and Master Windu were the only two members physically present in the room, aside from Obi-Wan himself, and the empty seats around the room filled him with a vague uneasiness. 

Standing in the middle of the chamber instead of taking his own seat, Obi-Wan began to deeply miss the presence of his friend who had been beside him in this very spot so many times over the years. He quietly tucked his hands away in his sleeves, feeling a bit too much like his nerves were as frayed as the singed fringes of the robes he hadn’t bothered to change out of before he reported to the meeting.

Of course, Obi-Wan had been… sorely mistaken that the mission would help take his mind off his thoughts of Anakin.

“A disturbance in the Force surrounding your former padawan, we have sensed.“ Master Yoda’s words made him tense up, but he waited for further explanation.

“We’ve been keeping an eye on Skywalker since he left the Order,” Master Windu began to explain. “Even more so since the unfortunate passing of Senator Amidala almost a year ago.”

That didn’t surprise Obi-Wan in the least bit, but what was a bit unexpected was the Council keeping that fact hidden from him. Were they seriously considering Anakin to be a threat? Many members of the Council hadn’t truly trusted him while he was in the Order, and clearly that hadn’t changed even years after the young man had left. The fact that they had kept such information from him was a bit perturbing. Obi-Wan had always done his best to keep his attachment to Anakin in check and hopefully out of sight, but apparently he hadn’t managed as well as he’d previously thought if they hadn’t trusted him with this knowledge.

“Her death had a massive impact on the war efforts, and we’re still… _reevaluating_ the situation. Recently, I have sensed a shatterpoint, and it seems to be connected to your former padawan and his children,” Windu continued.

“I beg your pardon,” Obi-Wan interrupted. “His… children?”

Yoda nodded. “Twins, Senator Amidala gave birth to.”

_Twins._ It wasn’t really that much of a surprise to him, but hearing it from Master Yoda instead of Anakin himself had Obi-Wan feeling slightly off-kilter. He didn’t even recall hearing about Padmé being pregnant, but it seemed he missed quite a bit having been on the frontlines for so long.

“Senator Amidala managed to keep them well hidden from the public eye the past few years, but now it would seem there are other eyes on them. We have reason to believe it may be the Sith lord we have been looking for,” Mace added, ignoring Obi-Wan’s quiet shock. “You are being assigned the mission of protecting Skywalker and his children on Naboo until the threat passes.”

A sense of dread was settling in his core, and he almost reflexively put up a weak protest to the idea. “If I was able to impart anything to him as a master, surely Anakin is capable of defending his own family?”

“It is crucial that Skywalker be prevented from falling to the darkside, whatever means necessary. If he falls, it is almost certain the Order and the Republic will fall with him. And though the two of you were always too attached, you are the only one he will trust, Master Kenobi.” The finality in Windu’s voice left Obi-Wan feeling like a chastised youngling.

“May the Force be with you,” the two masters ended the conversation, leaving no room for further questioning.

Before turning to leave, he gave a slight bow and responded, “And with you as well.”

Thankfully, Obi-Wan would have a couple days to rest and collect himself before heading for his mission on Naboo. Once he made it to his own quarters, he decided to boil some water for tea. Instead of meditating to recenter himself as he should, Obi-Wan found himself drawn towards the two decorative wooden boxes he kept on the bookshelf. He took one from the shelf and set it on the table next to the steaming cup of tea.

He ran his fingers over the smooth wood of the box before opening it and gently picking up Anakin’s lightsaber. Obi-Wan took a moment to admire the craftsmanship of his former apprentice. Anakin had been so immensely proud of it, and he knew it had deeply hurt when the young man had given it to Obi-Wan the day he left the Order. It was like parting with a piece of himself…

To which Obi-Wan could relate all too well.

That day had played over and over in his mind over the past six years. There had been another tedious Council meeting that day, and he certainly hadn’t expected Anakin to make an appearance, let alone march straight into the room and resign from the Order. In a manner that demonstrated Anakin had truly given the decision great thought, he expressed that his remaining trust in the Order had been shaken by the Council’s failure to protect Ahsoka. He also confessed his secret marriage to Padmé and claimed he could no longer serve as a Jedi Knight while having a duty to his wife.

Obi-Wan was still reeling from Anakin’s confession when his former padawan gave him his lightsaber. He wasn’t _blind,_ he had seen the way the two of them acted on Geonosis and had suspected they were or had been involved with each other somehow since then… but _married?_ The revelation led Obi-Wan to question if Anakin had ever trusted him at all, and it had only cemented the idea that the older man needed to re-evaluate his… growing attachment to his friend. For some time it had been veering towards a level of dependency that was unbecoming of a Jedi.

_You are the only one he will trust._ He almost had to scoff at the Council’s idea that Anakin trusted him. The same man who apparently had no qualms about keeping his marriage a secret from him for years. Obi-Wan hadn’t even known Anakin was considering leaving the Jedi Order until the moment he told the Council.

How much trust could possibly be left when they hadn’t spoken in years? When Anakin’s wife passed away, Obi-Wan hadn’t even had the courage, or the decency, to reach out to the person who had supposedly been the most important person in his life, but Anakin’s decision had awoken him to the reality that the feeling wasn’t mutual.

He steadfastly ignored the datapad that was also on the table, and with it the briefing the Council had sent him about Anakin’s family. The thought of learning about them in such a manner felt incredibly invasive and impersonal to Obi-Wan.

Before heading to bed, he carefully packed the wooden box to take with him to Naboo.

*

***

*

A couple days later when Obi-Wan set out for Naboo, his emotions were still all over the place. No amount of meditation had done him any good in terms of centering himself. A mixture of nervousness and eagerness about seeing Anakin after so long were conflicting inside of him. There may have also been the thinnest vein of resentment underneath it all, a lasting bitterness from his padawan abandoning him that he hadn’t been able to fully come to terms with, of Anakin picking someone else over him… As shameful as it felt to even just admit it to himself, it was one of the reasons Obi-Wan had never reached out to him.

After setting the ship’s course and making the jump to hyperspace, he decided to meditate again to try to compose himself before his arrival. The familiar blue and white streaked past the ship’s viewport as Obi-Wan focused on centering himself in the Force, releasing the lingering emotions as he repeated the Code quietly.

It seemed like in nearly no time, the ship had reached its destination, and Obi-Wan engaged the controls to guide it into Naboo’s atmosphere, heading towards the coordinates from the only part of the mission briefing he had read. 

The Amidala-Skywalker residence was nestled into the breathtakingly beautiful countryside, right beside a gorgeous and clear lake and just far enough from the capitol to have the quaint illusion of being removed from city life. With long practiced ease, the Jedi maneuvered his ship onto the landing pad that had a garage of sorts along the side.

As he took in the sight of the house and surrounding property, Obi-Wan had to refrain from reaching out for Anakin in the Force, knowing that he was so close and already faintly sensing his brilliant signature nearby. He had only just gotten out of the ship when the front door opened, and Obi-Wan steadfastly ignored the sudden flip his stomach did in anticipation.

What he didn’t expect, though, was an even tinier version of the boy he met on Tatooine running straight for him as quickly as his short legs could carry him. Unsure of the reason for such an enthusiastic welcome, Obi-Wan readied himself for potential impact. But the child bypassed him entirely and headed straight for the starship. His blue eyes were practically twinkling as he investigated the ship. If there had been any question about whose child he was, that sure answered it.

Before he could properly speak to the small boy, another child emerged from the house. Her braided hair was dark like Padmé’s, and the glint in her brown eyes made it clear she was beelining straight for Obi-Wan. 

A familiar golden protocol droid was quickly wobbling after her, calling out for the children exasperatedly. “Master Luke! Master Leia! Oh, where in the galaxy are your manners? Please do not crowd our guest!”

The little girl came to a stop in front of Obi-Wan, her chin held high and her posture straight and serious, though it all came across as rather… adorable. 

“General Kenobi.” She acknowledged him with a firm nod.

“And would you happen to be Leia, little one?” He bent down to address her.

_“General Leia Skywalker,”_ she corrected him with an air of dignity that no five year old should have.

“My apologies, General.” Obi-Wan played along. “May I ask, what forces do you lead?”

“The…” Her facade fell for a moment as she pondered his question, and Obi-Wan hid a grin behind his hand. “The Droid Squad of Naboo, units Artoo and Threepio.” 

“Ah, yes. I do believe I am familiar with them.”

Apparently having lost interest in the ship, or rather, gained interest in their conversation, Luke rushed to his sister’s side and chimed in, “And I’m Naboo’s greatest pilot!”

“Well, you’re awfully young to be a pilot,” Obi-Wan acknowledged the young boy. “Your skills must be truly remarkable.” Luke absolutely beamed at the praise, and his bright smile reminded Obi-Wan so much of the boy’s father when he was younger.

It was at that moment Obi-Wan realized someone was watching them, and he looked up from the children to see their father leaning in the doorway, a small smile on his face and a twinkle of adoration in his eyes. His breath caught in his throat, and any words he had to say died on his tongue, though Obi-Wan knew the children were still chattering away at him.

As Anakin began to walk towards them, Obi-Wan felt rather foolish for the way his heart hammered in his chest. The younger man looked… good. His civilian clothes didn’t hide his figure in the way his Jedi robes always had, though he was still dressed in darker colors like he had always tended to. It seemed Anakin was also wearing his hair just a bit longer than he had during the war, and the dark golden, wavy locks framed his face in a lovely way.

The Jedi was unable to get a read on Anakin’s emotions without blatantly reaching out to him in the Force, so Obi-Wan focused instead on fortifying his own mental shields to keep his own emotions from slipping through. When Anakin stopped a few feet away from him, and just out of reach, Obi-Wan hoped he had schooled his own expression into something less awestruck than how he felt.

His former apprentice stood silently, his face unreadable, and stared at Obi-Wan for a moment long enough for him to quickly start regretting that he hadn’t insisted the Council send someone else on the mission. Then Anakin’s face broke out in a huge grin, and he rushed forward, pulling his former master into a crushing hug that knocked out what little air was remaining in Obi-Wan’s lungs.

When Anakin didn’t let go, Obi-Wan cautiously brought his arms up to return the embrace. The taller man tucked his face into the crook of Obi-Wan’s neck, showing absolutely no signs that he planned to release his hold anytime soon.

_“Force,_ Anakin. It’s been far too long,” he whispered into the soft curls tickling the side of his face. He could sense the faintest hint of their old bond humming gently in the Force, and Obi-Wan resisted stoking it back to life.

It was a bit different than they had hugged in the years before the war, and he lost track of time as they stayed there in each other's arms. The attachment Obi-Wan had tried to meditate away for years was rearing its ugly head again. But then the reverie was broken by tiny, insistent voices wanting attention and the gentle tug of one of the twins pulling at his robes. 

Reluctantly, Obi-Wan released Anakin and took a half-step back from the younger man. As they pulled away from each other, Anakin’s touch seemed to linger for a moment longer than was necessary. Obi-Wan pushed away the thought as merely wishful thinking on his behalf as old feelings came rushing back. He pretended to not notice the way Anakin’s eyes were glistening before the man quickly scooped up Leia, who burst into giggles as her father spun her around.

The Jedi Master was fighting back his own tears and quietly cleared his throat before speaking again, hoping that his voice wouldn’t betray his emotions by wavering. “Do you always let them rush out and greet strangers?” He teased his former padawan.

“I knew it was just you, Master.” Anakin answered rather flatly as he began heading back towards the house. Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow at the sudden shift in his friend, though his use of the old title didn’t go unnoticed.

Luke lingered behind, staring up at Obi-Wan with his big blue eyes. As he hefted the singular bag he brought with him over his shoulder, he noticed the young boy was holding his little hand up, waiting. Gently, Obi-Wan took the offered hand with a warm smile, and apparently that was what Luke had been waiting for as he immediately attempted to start dragging Obi-Wan towards the house. 

Leia wiggled around in her father’s arms to turn and watch the Jedi Master with curiosity sparkling in her eyes. She looked so much like her mother, but that curiosity only reminded him of his young padawan.

Things were not quite tense, but a bit stiff and felt somewhat rehearsed as Anakin showed him around the house and property. The twins had become bored after only a few minutes of tagging along and disappeared with the droids somewhere. Despite their affectionate embrace earlier, Anakin seemed somewhat guarded now, heavily shielding himself in the Force and preventing Obi-Wan from getting a read on him. It would have been naive to expect them to perfectly slot back together as if there wasn’t a chasm of years between them now.

Finally, Anakin led him to the guest room where he would be staying. Obi-Wan entered the room and took a moment to take in the decor, the typical elegance of Naboo, but simple and tasteful in a way that still felt… _homey_ , much like the rest of the residence. As he was looking around, his eyes landed on Anakin standing awkwardly in the doorway, watching him.

He gestured in the general direction of the kitchen. “I’m gonna go… start dinner. You can just, uhh, do whatever until then.”

“Can I be of any assistance?” Obi-Wan offered.

“I don’t think Dex’s diner delivers to Naboo.” Anakin laughed a little. “So unless cooking is a skill you decided to work on in the past few years, I think I’m better off on my own.”

“Just make yourself at home, and Threepio will come get you later,” he added before leaving.

He took a moment to settle in and put his extra change of robes in the dresser drawer. After a moment of consideration, he gently placed the wooden box he had brought underneath his robes and shut the drawer. Obi-Wan sent a message to inform the Council he had arrived on Naboo and then puttered around the room as he waited. 

It almost seemed as if no time had passed at all before the protocol droid appeared in the doorway to politely inform him dinner was ready. There was a delicious smell wafting down the hallway; his young padawan had always been a better cook than he was.

Dinner went about as well as Obi-Wan would expect with two young children, especially considering those two children belonged to _Anakin Skywalker._ After some fussing that was quieted by a stern look from their father, the twins did finally calm down enough to eat their food. Though they managed to keep up their chatter, too, a bit more quietly than before. 

Watching Anakin with his children filled Obi-Wan with a strange sense of melancholy. How he kept an eye on them, and how he cut Luke’s food into smaller bites when he couldn’t quite get it himself. How he’d gently brush loose strands of Leia’s hair back away from her face whenever it threatened to fall into her plate. 

The expression on Anakin’s face as he took care of his children was so loving and _patient_ , it was so clear how much Anakin himself had grown in the past six years. It tugged on Obi-Wan’s heart, but it also felt like he was encroaching upon something incredibly personal after missing so many years of his best friend’s life. It was another reminder of the distance between them now. A reminder that Obi-Wan didn’t belong in this part of Anakin’s life.

“Master Kenobi,” Luke looked up from his food to direct a question at him. “You taught Daddy when he was a Jedi, right?” 

“Yes, your father was my padawan.”

“What was he like?” Leia excitedly chimed in. “Tell us a story!”

“Well, there was this time your father had been working quite hard to prove he was ready to go on solo missions...” Obi-Wan leaned in, conspiratorially, as if he were telling the kids a secret about their father. “We were sent on a mission to a foreign planet, and Anakin spent _weeks_ practicing their formal greeting.”

Anakin interrupted by groaning exaggeratedly as Obi-Wan began the story, clearly remembering where it was going. But Obi-Wan just grinned at his former apprentice and continued anyway. 

“When we arrived, he perfectly executed the greeting…” He paused for impact. “To the Queen’s pet.” The twins burst into gleeful laughter as their father huffed in embarrassment.

They listened with rapt attention as Obi-Wan shared a few more stories and Anakin cleared the table from dinner. After leaving the plates in the sink, Anakin sat back down at the table, and Leia climbed onto her father’s lap the moment he was seated.

Occasionally Anakin added a detail to Obi-Wan’s telling of a story here and there, defending himself whenever his old master shared something particularly embarrassing. Obi-Wan noticed Anakin’s posture began to relax, and there was warmth in his eyes as he listened along with the children.

The twins finally hit the limit of their attention spans and wandered away to entertain themselves before they’d have to go to bed. Obi-Wan was feeling rather useless since he hadn’t helped prepare dinner, so he thought he should at least help clean up.

“Am I allowed to help with the dishes at least?” He asked wryly.

Anakin waved him off. “You think I’m not used to doing this by myself? You’ll just slow me down, old man.” His words seemed a bit dismissive, but his tone was fond enough.

Obi-Wan knew better than to push it. He already felt as though he was an interloper in Anakin’s life.

Regardless, his time was better spent doing something that pertained to the actual reason why Obi-Wan was there, to keep Anakin and his children safe. It wouldn’t do to get distracted mooning over his former padawan and dwelling on regret and lost chances.

As Obi-Wan did a lap around the property, he reached out through the Force to get a feel for anything that wasn’t right, any trace of Darkness. But there wasn’t anything. Before returning to the house, he took a moment to bask in the quietness of the lakeside and the way the last light of the setting sun reflected off the calm surface of the water. He spared a brief thought about how it was a lovely place for the twins to grow up, so much natural beauty for them to explore.

By the time Obi-Wan returned to the house, it was nightfall. As he headed towards the guest room, Obi-Wan could see soft light coming from the twins’ bedroom down the hall. There was a gentle murmur of voices, and Obi-Wan assumed Anakin must have been tucking them into bed for the night. Not wanting to disrupt whatever routine Anakin had with the children, Obi-Wan retired to his room for the night.

*

***

*

“You haven’t changed much.”

Anakin’s voice broke through the quiet of his early morning meditation. Obi-Wan had found a spot on the veranda overlooking the lake, mostly shaded apart from the soft light breaking through the leaves of a few overhanging trees. Apparently Anakin still knew exactly how to find him in the mornings.

“I don’t think I can say the same to you.” Obi-Wan opened his eyes to watch as Anakin sat down next to him. 

Unkempt, golden curls framed his face looking as though he hadn’t bothered to even run a hand through his hair yet. He was already wearing the usual leather glove over his mechanical hand, and Obi-Wan couldn’t even recall the last time he had seen Anakin without it on. The collar of Anakin’s loose shirt dipped down just a little too far, and Obi-Wan had to avert his eyes, looking back out at the lake. It was far too early in the morning for this.

A comfortable silence settled between them, neither of them speaking for a moment. Obi-Wan had to look back at Anakin, half-expecting for the younger man to have fallen asleep. Instead, he was met with clear blue eyes studying him like he was trying to find an answer to something.

“I wasn’t sure what to think when Master Yoda contacted me. I was… apprehensive,” Anakin began. “At first I thought it was the Council’s way of questioning my abilities even now. But then he told me they would be sending you, so...” Anakin trailed off, leaving the thought unfinished.

“So?” Obi-Wan prompted.

Anakin shook his head, as though casting aside whatever thought he didn’t finish sharing. 

“I’ve missed you, Obi-Wan.” Anakin wasn’t making eye contact, instead staring out at the lake. His eyes were as blue as the crystal clear waters.

Obi-Wan felt as though his heart was suddenly lodged in his throat. But Anakin continued before he could properly respond.

“But I haven’t missed the Order.” His tone was firm, as though he were finally voicing something he’d been holding in. “After everything with Ahsoka, everything with the clones, and just— It’s difficult for me to trust them.”

Obi-Wan didn’t interrupt to defend the Order’s past actions. He quietly listened as Anakin worked to release the words he had likely been suppressing for the past six years. He worried that anything he could add would only cause Anakin to clam up like he had in the past, and he didn’t want to discourage his former padawan from actually discussing his emotions. Perhaps their time apart had made this easier for Anakin. There weren’t any expectations for him to meet anymore.

Not that Anakin could have ever truly disappointed his Master.

“But part of me still trusts _you_ …” He added, to Obi-Wan’s surprise. “And will probably always trust you, no matter what happens between us.”

Even though Anakin’s words were reaffirming, Obi-Wan’s heart sank. He didn’t have to call the deception by name, Obi-Wan knew full well what Anakin was alluding to. He would be lying if he ever said he hadn’t wondered if the Hardeen deception had played a role in Anakin leaving the Order. He felt he could never ask for Anakin’s forgiveness for the deceit, he didn’t deserve it after hurting his friend in such a way.

“I just wasn’t meant to stay with the Order. This is where I’m supposed to be, I know it. I can feel it in the Force.” Anakin hesitated before quietly adding, “The Force wanted me to choose them.”

Obi-Wan had only been around the little family for about half a day, but the children were already wriggling their way into his heart. Much in the way that a certain nine year old had done years ago. As much as it had hurt when Anakin left, Obi-Wan was proud of him for choosing what he felt was right for his family. If only their happiness hadn’t been shaken by the grief of loss. Anakin clearly was doing an excellent job of raising them himself, but he could only imagine how much warmth and love the house must have radiated while their mother was still alive.

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan started, knowing this was something he needed to do. “I’m sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the pain you’ve been through.” 

“And I apologize for not reaching out to you,” Obi-Wan didn’t mention that his reasons had been a bit more selfish than just the war making it difficult. He hesitated a moment before softly adding, “I have missed you, too.”

“I’ve... managed.” Anakin’s voice was barely above a whisper, but Obi-Wan could hear the pain Anakin was attempting to conceal. His padawan had always had a difficult time dealing with loss. “Padmé's sister helped a lot in the early days. It was— it was really hard at first.”

“I’m— I was so lost without her.” He continued, eyes downcast. His curls fell forward, blocking most of Obi-Wan’s view of Anakin’s face. “I didn’t think I could be as good of a parent they deserve. I can never fill the hole she left behind.”

Anakin was still heavily shielding like he had been the day before, and the remnant of their bond felt like the ghost of a fading memory. Obi-Wan wished he could reach out and offer his friend comfort through the Force, but he refrained, instead listening.

Finally, Anakin looked up and met Obi-Wan’s gaze again. His eyes were shining with tears, but there was a hint of a smile on his lips. “But we’re managing. Luke and Leia are both angels.”

“They miss her. But I think they’re learning she’ll never truly be gone as long as they keep her in their hearts.” There was a wistful look in Anakin’s eyes as he turned towards the lake again. “Sometimes Artoo plays old holovids of her for them...”

“I finally figured out how to braid Leia’s hair after watching like five hours of holovids.” He laughed a little, and Obi-Wan pretended to not hear that it sounded like Anakin was covering a sob. It helped that the mental image of Anakin trying to braid his daughter’s hair was more endearing than it had any right to be.

“Did you learn nothing as my padawan?” Obi-Wan joked, hoping to make him laugh for real.

His joke at least earned a small genuine smile from his friend as he shook his head. “It’s way more complicated than a padawan braid.”

Even the smallest of smiles from Anakin had always seemed to make Obi-Wan feel lighter, and that hadn’t changed in their years apart.

“You didn’t know about the twins, did you?” Anakin asked suddenly.

“Not until the Council told me three days ago, no,” Obi-Wan admitted.

He nodded, his expression growing serious. “Padmé wanted to keep them a secret, she wanted to keep them safe. She didn’t want them to become targets during the war.”

“...though I suppose I’m not as good at keeping them safe as she was, seeing as you’re here now,” Anakin lightly scoffed, voice laden with self-deprecation.

“My being here has nothing to do with your ability to protect your children, Anakin,” Obi-Wan countered. “Perhaps someone needs to protect _you,_ as well. I seem to recall having to do that quite often on the battlefield.”

His defense of Anakin’s capabilities earned him an endearingly familiar eye roll, but Anakin dropped the subject, at least.

“You know,” Anakin began. “I figured you’d hate me for abandoning the Order during the war.”

Something about that cut deeply.

“Jedi weren’t meant to be soldiers. We’re peacekeepers… _were,_ at least. I don’t blame you any more than I blame any of the other Jedi, or even the clones, who have left. We weren’t meant to endure that level of suffering.” Obi-Wan offered Anakin a smile, though he knew it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He just needed for Anakin to believe him when he said, “I don’t believe I could ever hate you, Anakin.”

Anakin didn’t return the smile and averted his gaze instead, very obviously trying to look anywhere but at Obi-Wan. The young man had fallen silent and begun fidgeting uncomfortably, to the point that Obi-Wan was about to ask Anakin what was wrong when he spoke again.

“I don’t understand why I’m the one who’s still here. All the times I nearly died during the war, and yet Padmé is the one who’s gone.” His words were spilling out in a rush, as if a dam had broken. “All the destruction caused by my hands… and all she did was fight for peace. It doesn’t seem right, it doesn’t seem fair.” 

Tears threatened to spill from his eyes and the twisted expression on his face was one of anguish and guilt. Obi-Wan wanted desperately to be able to reach out and comfort Anakin, but that was hardly his place anymore.

“Few things in life are, Anakin,” he answered sadly instead.

Suddenly, there was the sound of the soft patter of feet across stone and hushed giggles. Apparently the twins were awake now and had come running, almost as if they’d sensed their father’s distress.

The children playfully tackled Anakin from behind, latching onto him as they laughed. Leia was hanging off his arm, and Luke had wrapped his little arms around his father’s neck. As though a heavy cloud was lifted, the pained expression on Anakin’s face was replaced with a grin, much to Obi-Wan’s relief.

“Daddy, it’s time for breakfast!” Leia announced as she clung to her father’s arm.

“Already? But I just woke up,” Anakin asked in mock surprise as he pretended to yawn. He gently swayed back and forth as the twins giggled and tried to hold on tighter. The sight of them laughing together made Obi-Wan’s heart swell.

“I want waffles,” Luke said as Anakin moved to stand up. He had to let go of his father’s neck, but he simply latched onto his free arm once he was upright. 

Anakin Skywalker with a small child dangling from each of his arms was quite amusing, and Obi-Wan couldn’t fight back his smile.

“Will you be joining us?” Anakin asked before they left the veranda. Obi-Wan noticed his eyes were still a bit red and watery, but his posture seemed lighter, despite the adorable extra weight holding onto him.

“I’ll follow in a moment,” Obi-Wan answered. 

Once they were gone, he turned back to the lake. The sun was high in the sky now, and the water was shimmering in its light. He took a moment to sink back into meditation.

Eventually Obi-Wan joined the family for breakfast, and that time Anakin even allowed him into the kitchen to make some tea.

The days passed by uneventfully, well, aside from a few disasters the twins got into with R2-D2, much to the dismay of C-3PO. Obi-Wan couldn’t help but question the necessity of his presence, given that he hadn’t sensed any disturbances in the Force since his arrival.

Though, he did discover that Anakin’s children were, of course, Force sensitive, but that was to be expected. He would have been more surprised if they were not.

Obi-Wan continued to keep the Jedi Council updated on the… lack of alarming activity. Any time he questioned if he should return to the warfront, Master Yoda insisted he remain on Naboo. It simply felt superfluous for Obi-Wan to be peacefully meditating by the beautiful lakeside while his men and fellow Jedi fought in the ceaseless war.

At least the ability to meditate more frequently had allowed Obi-Wan to become more in tune with the Force than he had been in the past few years, though it was little consolation.

He hadn’t been able to settle in, plagued by the constant feeling that he was an intruder in Anakin’s new life. Obi-Wan wasn’t sure where he and his former padawan even fit into each other’s lives anymore, or if they even could. 

Regardless, Anakin was perfectly capable of protecting his children on his own. Not wanting to be any more of a bother than he already was, Obi-Wan mostly kept to himself and tried to stay out of Anakin’s way. Though, occasionally he did allow himself to sit with Anakin in the garage while he was doing some freelance mechanic work. Watching the young man work was always fascinating, and it was much more enjoyable without the hazard of tripping over droid parts in their living quarters.

The days turned into weeks, and Obi-Wan was almost lulled into a false sense of security and peace… Until a very unexpected visitor dropped by the quiet family home.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this might be the quickest I've ever written a new chapter? It really is true that comments are the fuel that keep writers going <3 Thank you all so much for your support!
> 
> By the way, I've created a playlist for this fic! It can be found on [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5grPLuOhvr2pOpVLaCv3Xc?si=8E_QUB-wTMCgjGRUu2MM8Q) and [Apple Music](https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/id-give-you-my-sunshine/pl.u-PDb44EZurBkrr) (bc yeah I'm one of Those People).
> 
> Thank you to my wonderful beta [ananapkin](https://ananapkin.tumblr.com/) for helping to make this chapter better than I could on my own <333

It had been a rather quiet day so far by the time they sat down to eat lunch. 

Anakin had been working on a project in the garage since early morning, and there was still a smudge of grease across his cheek that he’d missed when he cleaned up to eat. It was somehow terribly endearing.

He seemed a bit tired, but he was clearly trying to not show it too much in front of his kids. The slight slump in Anakin’s shoulders betrayed that he was more tired than he was willing to let on in front of his children.

As Anakin was eating, he also kept Leia from chasing her plate of food all over the table. Gently, he’d push the plate away from the edge of the table whenever she pulled it too close to the edge. 

Obi-Wan watched them in his periphery as he cut some fruit into smaller slices for Luke. He had been trying his best to not come across as though he thought Anakin couldn’t handle taking care of his children on his own. But no one should have to handle everything entirely by themselves, not when the people who care about them can help.

So if Anakin allowed Obi-Wan to help out in even the smallest of ways, if he could help even a little bit... then that would be enough.

In all honesty, Obi-Wan simply missed things like this. Years ago he had spent a good amount of time in the créche with the younglings. But with the war, his moments back at the Temple were far and few between. Usually he didn’t have the time or even the energy to drop by the créche anymore. It only made sense that he would gravitate towards something that evoked fond memories…

Memories of peace, memories of what life was like before the war… Hope for what life _could_ be like after the war...

Or at least, that seemed the most likely reason for his growing fondness for the twins.

He was already beginning to regret that at some point soon he would have to leave them. That this time, he would be the one walking out of Anakin’s life. Obi-Wan had truly allowed himself to become too complacent if the thought of staying longer than strictly necessary was crossing his mind.

Luke politely thanked Obi-Wan for cutting the fruit for him, and Obi-Wan warmly smiled down at the young boy as he pushed away the negative thoughts for time being.

“Master Ani!” C-3PO called as he entered the kitchen. “It seems that we have a visitor.”

Anakin raised an eyebrow at the golden droid. “Who is it?”

“The… Supreme Chancellor of the Galactic Republic,” C-3PO answered, a slight anxiousness to his tone.

Quickly, Anakin bolted up from the table, eyes wide. He hastily started straightening his slightly disheveled clothing, mumbling under his breath about how people shouldn’t make surprise visits and _especially not after almost an entire year._

The protocol droid hurried out of the room to see to their guest properly as Anakin gathered himself.

“Anakin, hold on,” Obi-Wan stopped him before he left the kitchen, reaching to wipe the streak of grease still smeared on Anakin’s cheek.

The grease came off easily enough, but Obi-Wan didn’t realize how close they were standing until he was finished. Abruptly, he stepped back and away from Anakin as if he had been burned. 

“There, much better,” Obi-Wan said, giving him a shaky smile.

“Thanks,” Anakin answered. The corner of his mouth ticked up in a bit of a smirk. Both of his cheeks were a bit red, not just the one Obi-Wan had wiped the grease off.

And then Anakin rushed out of the room, leaving Obi-Wan standing there, feeling like his hand was ablaze.

Belatedly, he remembered the children were still eating lunch and snapped back to reality.

“Will you two be alright alone for a moment?” Obi-Wan asked, knowing full well he couldn’t truly trust an answer from five-year-olds. Luke and Leia nodded eagerly, seeming a bit excited by all the commotion.

“You can trust me, General,” Leia added with her chin held high. “I’ll keep Luke in line.”

Luke rolled his eyes and stuck out his tongue at his sister, and Obi-Wan sighed fondly at the two of them. She probably wasn’t going to drop the General act any time soon.

After promising the children he would be right back, Obi-Wan left the kitchen; his thoughts swirled with questions about why the Chancellor was suddenly paying a visit to Anakin’s home.

It was perplexing that Obi-Wa hadn’t received news of the Chancellor visiting the very planet where he had been stationed for almost a month now. Not to mention that it was curious that the Chancellor would leave Coruscant with the war continuing to wage on across the galaxy.

When Obi-Wan entered the room the two men were in, Palpatine had his hands on Anakin’s shoulders in a rather grandfatherly way of greeting. However slight, Obi-Wan could read the tension in Anakin’s posture.

“Anakin, my boy! It’s good to see you well! I was quite worried I might never hear from you again.” Palpatine patted him on the shoulder while he continued on, not giving Anakin much time to respond. “I thought perhaps a house call was in order after all this time.”

Finally the Chancellor let go of Anakin and turned to acknowledge Obi-Wan’s presence with a cordial smile plastered on his face.

“And Master Kenobi! What a wonderful surprise to see you here.” Palpatine’s voice didn’t sound like he found it truly all that wonderful. “Are you here on Jedi business, or is this a… _personal_ visit?” 

There was something in the way he said _personal_ that unsettled Obi-Wan. An insinuation that he couldn’t quite parse in the moment.

“Something like that,” Obi-Wan answered evenly with a polite nod. He swore he saw a tick of annoyance in the Chancellor’s brow, but he supposed he often had that effect on politicians.

“What brings you to Naboo, Chancellor?” Obi-Wan asked, trying to come across as politely curious.

“Can’t an old man visit his home every once in a while?” Palpatine answered with a laugh that didn’t reach his eyes. “Surely there are times even you wish to be at the Temple.”

“Indeed, I suppose there are. But, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be with the twins so two old friends can catch up with each other. It was good to see you, Chancellor,” Obi-Wan added with a polite nod towards Palpatine, though the words tasted… wrong coming out of his mouth.

Anakin seemed as if he were about to protest for a moment, but then he gave Obi-Wan a small smile and nodded in thanks. His eyes lingering for a moment on Obi-Wan before he turned away to lead Palpatine out to the veranda.

Back in the kitchen, Obi-Wan cleared the table now that the twins were finished eating lunch. But the disquieting uneasiness hadn’t left him yet.

_Why_ was the Chancellor visiting just out of the blue? Obi-Wan had gathered from that bit of the conversation that Anakin hadn’t been speaking to Palpatine in quite some time. The way Palpatine had always seemed overly interested in his very young padawan had bothered Obi-Wan for _years._ But Anakin had never told him of anything untoward happening, so Obi-Wan had held his tongue on the matter. Who was he to control the friends his padawan made?

When C-3PO returned, he came bearing flimsi and crayons to occupy Luke and Leia for a while. As the twins began drawing, Obi-Wan decided perhaps they’d be able to enlighten him on the situation between Anakin and Palpatine. There was something deeply unsettling about the notion that the Chancellor had spent time with Luke and Leia while Obi-Wan hadn’t even been told they existed.

“Does Chancellor Palpatine visit often?”

Leia tapped her crayon to her face as though she were thinking hard. “Not since Mommy…” she trailed off.

“Ah. I see, I see,” Obi-Wan said quickly, not wanting to upset the children or for them to suddenly clam up. “Is he nice? Do you two like him?”

“He’s old,” Leia answered flatly as she added more color to her drawing.

Obi-Wan stifled a snort. “That’s an astute observation, little one.”

“I don’t think Mommy liked Palatine,” Luke chimed in, only stumbling a little over the name.

“Is that so?” Obi-Wan had to bite his lip as it was getting harder to hold in his laughter at their child-like irreverence towards the Chancellor.

It made sense that Padmé might not have cared much for Palpatine. She and a group of senators had attempted to pass a set of bills to limit the power of the office of Chancellor once Palpatine had… overstayed his term.

Poor C-3PO sounded like he was about to have a conniption over the children’s behavior. “Such impoliteness! My apologies, Master Kenobi, I don’t know what’s gotten into them--”

“Daddy feels cloudy after Paptine’s here,” Luke spoke again, his expression downcast.

“He feels… cloudy?” Obi-Wan repeated.

“Mhm, he’s not sunny,” Luke explained while picking out a new crayon to draw with. He must have been referring to Anakin’s Force presence.

His conversation with Luke and Leia didn’t help ease Obi-Wan’s worry. If anything, he was even more unsettled than when the Chancellor arrived.

Well… it was his mission was to protect Anakin and the children, so even seemingly innocuous visits from old friends were subject to scrutiny. As it was, Obi-Wan trusted Palpatine about as far as he could throw the controversial politician.

After ensuring the twins were well occupied and under the watchful supervision of C-3PO, Obi-Wan quietly slipped out of the house and took the long way around to the thick of trees at the corner of the house nearest the veranda. Making sure to carefully conceal his presence in the Force as well, Obi-Wan found a secluded spot just within hearing distance of the two men. Their backs were to him, but they were speaking clearly enough for him to hear.

“You haven’t returned my messages in quite some time, my boy. I was deeply worried about you,” Palpatine said to Anakin, though Obi-Wan couldn’t help but notice a distinct lack of emotional inflection in the elderly man’s words.

“I’m sorry…” Anakin began to apologize. “I… kind of retreated into myself and tried to focus solely on Luke and Leia after Padmé’s death. I wasn’t avoiding you, I just couldn’t deal with Republic matters on top of all of the craziness with legalities and whatnot.”

“I would have provided you with whatever help you needed. Anything at all, even now,” Palpatine commented.

“It’s alright. Padmé’s family has been more than enough help,” Anakin shrugged off the offer, then Palpatine changed the subject.

“Has Master Kenobi come to train the children in the Jedi arts?” Obi-wan hated hearing his own name come from the politician’s mouth.

“Oh… no. No, he’s not,” Anakin immediately denied, shaking his head. “I don’t think life in the Order would be right for them.”

Palpatine appeared to ponder Anakin’s response. “Then why is Master Kenobi here and not on the warfront like the rest of the Jedi Masters? Surely his talents are better used elsewhere rather than… _babysitting_ his very capable former apprentice.”

Anakin visibly bristled at the Chancellor’s statement, his posture going rigid.

“I...do not know.” Obi-Wan could picture the way Anakin’s brow was likely furrowing as he answered, confusion and hesitation coloring his voice.

“Perhaps the Jedi Council has… other plans.” There was something downright contemptible in the tone of Palpatine’s voice.

“What do you mean by that?” Anakin questioned. There was an uncertain energy crackling around his former padawan that began to worry Obi-Wan.

“There have been rumors that the Temple is abuzz with how they could soon have the next generation of Skywalker’s.” That… was an absolute lie. Obi-Wan certainly wasn’t aware of such a thing. Outside of Master Yoda and Master Windu, the only other member of the council to know about the twins was himself.

“I certainly haven’t agreed to such a thing,” Anakin defended, his voice rising in anger.

“Oh, it’s just _rumors_ , my boy. Don’t be too alarmed,” Palpatine airily dismissed the idea just as easily as he had put it in Anakin’s mind.

“Oh, would you look at the time. I must be going.” Suddenly the Chancellor was ending their conversation. “It was so good to see you again, Anakin. Give my regards to Master Kenobi, will you?”

“Allow me to walk you out, sir,” Anakin began to follow Palpatine, who immediately waved him off.

“Nonsense, I believe I know my way around here well enough.”

And with that, the Chancellor walked back into the house, leaving Anakin standing alone on the veranda and Obi-Wan very much aware that he couldn’t leave his cover now.

“That’s a terrible hiding spot,” Anakin called out after a moment.

“I thought it was working quite well,” Obi-Wan answered as he stepped out and hoisted himself over the stone railing.

“I knew you were eavesdropping. I always know where you are.” There was something to Anakin’s tone that Obi-Wan couldn’t quite parse. Something… a bit off.

“I didn’t wish to intrude,” Obi-Wan defended, keeping his voice steady.

_“Oh, of course not,”_ Anakin rolled his eyes with a huff and crossed his arms. “Did you hear what you wanted to?”

“Not particularly. The Chancellor seems to be questioning my presence here,” Obi-Wan answered rather clinically. 

“Why _are_ you here?” Anakin was growing more tense, and he took a step closer to Obi-Wan. “Why _now_ after all this time? It’s not like you cared before.”

There was an edge to his presence that Obi-Wan wasn’t prepared for, and Anakin’s directness caught him a bit off-guard. It felt like they had been dancing around the issue and ignoring it the past few weeks, but he had hoped their earlier conversation had been a step in the right direction. Perhaps he had been mistaken.

“That’s truly something coming from you, Anakin. You’re the one who lied for years. The one who kept a _marriage_ secret for _years.”_ He was letting Anakin’s anger influence him too much, but he’d already gone too far to stop now. “You’re the one who left—“

Anakin’s face twisted into something cruel. “Oh, because I left your _precious_ Order?” he spat.

Obi-Wan closed his eyes tightly, the venom in Anakin’s voice like poison in his heart. When he opened his eyes again, they were beginning to water despite his best efforts.

“No, Anakin, you left _me.”_ The amount of pain he could hear in his own voice surprised even himself, and Anakin’s eyes widened, losing a bit of their edge.

“You lied to me for years, and then you _left.”_ Obi-Wan kept going. The floodgates had burst open. Obi-Wan had been absolutely blindsided when Anakin had left the Order. And upon finding out all of the secrets his best friend had been keeping from him, he began to question their very friendship. 

“Did you ever trust me?” he added.

Regaining his footing after being caught off guard by Obi-Wan’s outburst, Anakin shot back, “There was no way I could have told you about Padmé. I couldn’t talk to you about anything without hearing the karked Code quoted back at me!”

“That’s not true—“

“How was I supposed to know it wasn’t? You never opened yourself up to me!” Anakin’s face was contorted in anger, but his eyes were glistening with unshed tears. “You were always so closed off! You would have tried to make me stay, and I needed… I _needed_ to leave. I _had_ to leave,” Anakin continued, roughly running his hands through his hair. 

The past six years, Obi-Wan had been plagued by the idea that he had failed Anakin not only as his Master, but as his best friend. By not being there for him. By not seeing the signs.

By trying too hard to be a perfect example that he became someone Anakin couldn’t reach out to.

Obi-Wan hesitated before he said this next part, truly debating if he even should. But he had already dug a deep enough hole as it was, so he might as well just jump all the way in.

“No, I wouldn’t have,” he said much more calmly and quietly than he had been moments prior. Anakin looked at him oddly. 

“...I would have left with you.”

It was unusual for his former padawan to be shocked into silence, so Obi-Wan used that as an opportunity to flee back into the house.

C-3PO brought his dinner to the guest room that night.

*

***

*

The next morning, Obi-Wan was trying to center himself after the rush of negative emotions the day before. The peacefulness of the lake and the soft warmth from the early morning sun were calming, but he couldn’t help remembering their argument that had taken place a few paces away from where he now sat.

He didn’t exactly regret what he had said, but it wasn’t something he had wanted to admit during an argument with emotions running high. And yet, some part of him felt a bit… free? As though the oppressive weight of his lingering abandonment had been cast off finally. 

Of course, Anakin interrupted Obi-Wan’s meditation the next morning. He knew he couldn’t avoid the younger man in his own home forever and felt Anakin’s presence before he spoke. He wasn’t as shielded as he had been since Obi-Wan’s arrival, and the bond between them almost seemed as though it were brighter. 

“Did you mean it?” Anakin’s voice was soft in the still morning.

“I always mean what I say to you, Anakin.” Obi-Wan didn’t turn around to answer him and simply stayed in his meditative pose. “When it matters.”

Anakin huffed, but it was tinged with fondness instead of anger. He sat down so closely to Obi-Wan that their knees were almost touching. Obi-Wan opened his eyes, knowing his meditation was well and done now.

“I always knew I would agree if you asked me to leave the Order,” Obi-Wan sighed as he looked to Anakin. “...But then you didn’t ask. You didn’t even mention the mere thought of it to me.”

When Anakin had left, he was so shielded Obi-Wan almost couldn’t even sense him in the Force, and Obi-Wan had been utterly gutted. The very presence that had come to feel like a part of himself, the other half of his soul, was entirely unreachable. It was almost unbearable after all the years of having Anakin’s shining brilliance by his side. 

Anakin was quiet as he continued, but he hadn’t tensed up yet, at least.

“You were…” A handful of words wanted to escape his lips: my brother, my _everything..._

“...my closest friend,” was what Obi-Wan settled on, knowing it was as close as he could come to saying the truth at that moment.

“But the Order is everything to you!” Anakin interjected. Oh, how wrong he was. Truthfully, the Jedi Order had changed so much over the course of the war, it hardly still followed the Code Obi-Wan was raised to believe in. Some days, he certainly didn’t feel like a Jedi anymore.

“There are ways to do good in the galaxy that don’t involve violence or death.” Obi-Wan wistfully gazed out at the lake. He’d been pondering such things for a while now.

Anakin nodded minutely. He stared intently at Obi-Wan, as if maybe for the first time he was truly seeing how the man before him had changed in their years apart from each other.

A thought dawned on Obi-Wan suddenly, and he let out some sort of humorless laugh. “At least I didn’t lose you the way I’ve lost everyone else.” Anakin gave him a puzzled look but didn’t press any further.

“I knew I would second guess myself if I told you,” Anakin admitted, a hint of something like shame coloring his voice. “I didn’t want you to know how torn I was about leaving you.”

“I understand.” And truly, he did. “Though it felt like I was simply abandoned… like all of our years together had never actually mattered.”

Anakin appeared to be struggling with something, now very pointedly looking anywhere except at Obi-Wan. When he spoke again, the younger man’s voice was so soft, Obi-Wan almost couldn’t hear him. His uneasiness gave the impression he was unsure he should be saying this.

“I- I didn’t choose her over you… I never could have made that decision. Though I guess that much was clear from the way I thought I could live a double life.” Anakin had the decency to sound sheepish at that. “You were the most important people in my life. I loved you both too much to make that choice.”

Anakin’s word made Obi-Wan’s heart thud in his chest. There was hardly a chance that Anakin meant it the way that it had sounded, that Anakin had loved Obi-Wan as much as the person he had sworn his life to. The person he had started a family with.

He had no idea what to make of Anakin’s admission. Surely it had little to do with Obi-Wan himself. Anakin had often struggled with the notion of loyalty to concepts, and more often expressed his devotion to people. Perhaps in Anakin’s mind, he had come to represent his duty to the Jedi Order. 

“I chose them,” Anakin said much more resolutely. “I chose Luke and Leia.”

“They’re incredible children,” Obi-Wan told him with a smile. “You should be very proud of them.” 

It probably wasn’t his best idea to bring it up, especially not after the doubt Palpatine had instilled in Anakin, but it was something that needed to be addressed regardless. “Luke and Leia are quite strong with the Force… Though they’re a bit too old now, they could still learn. And we know the Order has made exceptions before--”

Obi-Wan stopped when Anakin stiffened next to him, discomfort radiating off of him in waves. Immediately, he regretted even approaching the subject.

“I don’t want that kind of stifling environment for my children. I want them to be able to love and to be loved. I’m sorry, Obi-Wan,” Anakin said, sadness etched in his expression as he looked at his former master, but there was firm resolution in Anakin’s clear blue eyes as he continued.

“I… believe that the Force led me to choose them over staying in the Order. I grew up without a father- I don’t… I don’t even _have_ one, but I don’t want Luke and Leia to grow up without theirs. I know it reeks of the attachment you always harped on me about, but they needed me… I needed them, too, I think.” His voice was soft and so full of warmth and love for his children.

Obi-Wan had never gotten to see this side of Anakin until he came to Naboo. Hells, he wasn’t even certain if this side of his friend existed before he left the Order, or if it had been buried deep down inside of himself, like an extinguished star. Now that Obi-Wan had seen it, he couldn’t pull his eyes away. 

Love looked incredible on Anakin Skywalker. Happiness made his eyes shine where war had dulled their brightness. There was truly nothing Obi-Wan would trade Anakin’s happiness for, not even having him at his side.

“It was wrong of me to not tell you that I was thinking of leaving,” Anakin interrupted his lovestruck thoughts, bringing Obi-Wan back to the present.

“I was afraid of losing you before I left. Somehow, I thought it would be easier to keep it a secret than to give you a chance to convince me otherwise. Easier than facing your anger, or your disappointment...” He looked down, picking at the knee of his pants. “That would have made it so much worse.”

Without really thinking about the gesture, Obi-Wan gently placed his hand on Anakin’s shoulder. Ever since he arrived on Naboo, he’d been so afraid to reach out. Afraid that a mere touch could shatter whatever it was they were rebuilding between each other. And ever since that first hug when Obi-Wan arrived, it was all Obi-Wan had wanted, despite his attempts to bury it.

Anakin leaned over and rested his head on Obi-Wan’s shoulder, effectively making him forget how to breathe for a moment. It had been… _years_ since Obi-Wan had any comforting physical contact. He’d lost almost everyone who he could even dare to show a hint of weakness around.

And he’d missed Anakin so terribly. So much more than he would ever let himself admit. So much more than was becoming of a Jedi.

Cautiously, he moved to wrap his arm around Anakin in a bit of a half hug, unsure if more contact would be welcome or not. Apparently fine with it, Anakin snuggled in further, so Obi-Wan rested his chin on the soft curls of Anakin’s hair. There was a faint scent of apples from what must have been the shampoo Anakin used.

Oh Force, he was too far gone for this man. But Obi-Wan wasn’t sure if he had it in him to try to restrain his feelings anymore. It grew more and more difficult with each passing day he spent with Anakin and his family.

“If you would allow it…” Obi-Wan started to speak, choosing his words carefully. “I could teach the children a few basic things. I’ve more experience with teaching younglings than you do.”

“Though that’s not to say I doubt your capabilities; you did a wonderful job training Ahsoka,” he added quickly to assure Anakin that he wasn’t trying to undermine him. “I just… might as well do something worthwhile instead of lazing around like a pet tooka cat.”

Anakin shifted to look up at Obi-Wan, and having that brilliant smile directed at himself was enough to derail Obi-Wan’s entire thought process.

“I’ve taught them a few things already, but I think they would love that. If you haven’t noticed, they’re quite taken with you.” Was Anakin _teasing_ him?

“Is that so? I’m sure the novelty will wear off after I try to have them meditate.” Obi-Wan chuckled. He imagined it’d go over about as well as it had when Anakin had begun his training.

After a moment, Anakin mumbled something about being hungry, and he slowly pulled away from Obi-Wan to stand up. He suddenly felt bereft without Anakin pressed against his side, but he pushed his thoughts away as he followed Anakin to the kitchen, telling himself he shouldn’t feel that way. It wouldn’t lead to anything good.

Letting himself grow even more attached would only make it worse when he inevitably had to leave Anakin.

Once again, Anakin didn’t let Obi-Wan anywhere near the actual cooking, but he was handed some vegetables to cut up for an omelette.

“There, that’s something you’re good at,” Anakin playfully teased him as Obi-Wan fondly rolled his eyes.

“If you find my cooking skills to be so lacking, why don’t you just teach me sometime?” Obi-Wan shot back drily.

“Maybe I will. And so, the master becomes the padawan,” Anakin answered with a grin. “You’d be cute with a braid again.” 

Obi-Wan steadfastly ignored the way his face felt warm at Anakin’s comment as he waited for the water for his tea to reach boiling. The heat from the kettle was just making him warm, that was all.

He had just finished pouring his tea when Luke and Leia came rushing into the kitchen with their enviable energy. Obi-Wan fully expected both children to make a beeline for their father as they usually did, so he wasn’t quite prepared when Luke came crashing into his legs at full tiny child speed. It was lucky that he hadn’t been holding his cup, or boiling hot tea would have spilled everywhere.

As Luke was holding onto Obi-Wan, Leia pushed a small stool over near the counter so she could watch her father work. Anakin carefully made sure to keep her a safe distance from anything too hot to touch.

He felt a tug on his sleeve and looked down to find Luke peering up at him with his big blue eyes. “Master Obi-Wan, can I have tea, too?”

He couldn’t help but smile down at the young boy. “Well of course— as long as it’s alright with your father.”

Anakin’s head whipped around at the mention, and he motioned to one of the nearby cabinets. “There’s a caffeine free blend in that cabinet.” Ah yes, more energy was definitely not needed. Future crisis averted.

Luke continued to keep a tight hold on Obi-Wan as he moved around the kitchen, and despite the added weight, he felt lighter than he had been in longer than he truly knew. It felt as though Anakin’s gaze was lingering as he prepared some tea for Luke, but he didn’t let himself dwell on it.

When the tea was finished, Obi-Wan led Luke over to the table and set the cup down for him. “Be careful, little one. It’s too hot to drink right now. You’ll burn your tongue.”

He slipped some ice in, just in case Luke’s patience was anything like his father’s.

During moments like these, it was truly becoming harder and harder to resist settling into the normalcy of life in the Skywalker house. The war had worn Obi-Wan down so much that he found himself letting his guard down around Anakin, and starting to let himself feel those things he had been fighting for so long.

Watching Anakin with his children… How gentle he was with them. How loving he was and how happy their family was despite everything they had been through. Despite all of the pain and suffering in the galaxy. They were the very image of the peace that he had been fighting for alone for so long now.

Somewhere deep within himself, Obi-Wan wished he could somehow carve out a little bit of that peace.

And that part of himself was growing despite his attempts to prevent exactly that. Despite reminding himself of the Code and that he shouldn’t allow himself to become so attached. Reminding himself that he shouldn’t want this.

But it was so hard to believe that when their happiness felt like the Light itself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit note for Chapter 1: I changed the time from Padme's death from a weirdly specific "8 months ago" to the wonderfully vague "almost a year ago." It's not super important, it's just to help me work with the timeline better.
> 
> I also added a cute edit I made to the beginning of chapter 1 if you wanna take a moment to go look :3c


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for a bit of a longer wait on this chapter! A lot of stuff came up in my personal life, but it's all good now.  
> Also, there was too much plot, so we moved it. Pls enjoy Anakin's tiddies instead.
> 
> Endless thanks to my lovely beta [ananapkin](https://ananapkin.tumblr.com/). If you see any wonderfully poetic moments about Anakin, that's her weaving miracles out of my incoherent 2 AM notes or adding her own galaxy brain touches to this.

Obi-Wan Kenobi did not want to get out of bed.

He laid there for a rather uncharacteristically long amount of time, completely missing his usual sunrise meditation as he simply stared at the ceiling of the guest room. When he awoke that morning, his thoughts were in complete disarray, and there was a bone-deep dread regarding his approaching meeting with the Jedi Council. 

At least Anakin was going to allow him to start training the children in the Force later that day. That was something to look forward to, something worth getting out of bed for.

Eventually Obi-Wan dragged himself out of the soft sheets and dressed for the day, looking every bit the image of the perfect Jedi he so rarely felt like these days. Not at all like someone who was about to cast doubt on the most powerful man in the Republic.

Of course, he had never trusted the man. Obi-Wan could count the number of politicians he had trusted in his lifetime on one hand, and two of them were deceased. Regardless, matters just weren’t sitting well with him. Palpatine’s unexpected visit, the way Anakin had acted afterwards… Obi-Wan was apprehensive about expressing his suspicions to anyone else, let alone the rest of the Council, but was not the entire point of his mission to report anything amiss?

Still deep in thought, he quietly made his way down the hall, not wanting his comm call to disturb anyone this early in the morning. As Obi-Wan neared the doorway of Anakin’s bedroom, the young man in question hurried out, tripping over himself in his haste and looking positively frazzled. 

Obi-Wan instinctively caught Anakin by the shoulder before he crashed into the wall or anything else. After steadying him, Obi-Wan belatedly realized that Anakin was very shirtless and his hand was on the smooth, tan skin of Anakin’s bare chest. With his hair sticking out randomly in unruly, sleep-mused curls and pajama pants hanging low on his hips, Anakin was... quite a sight. But Obi-Wan steadfastly kept his eyes on Anakin’s face, concern for him growing rapidly.

“Anakin, is something wrong?”

“Kriffin’ hells, I forgot—“ Anakin raked his left hand through his hair, sleep-ladden movements choppy and uncoordinated.

“Forgot what?” Obi-Wan asked, trying to get more information from him.

“Oh, Master Ani, my sincerest apologies for not attempting to wake you sooner.” C-3PO appeared in the doorway behind them. The droid sounded even more anxious than usual, if that was even possible. “I simply didn’t think you would forget such an important occasion-”

“Will someone please tell me what is going on?” Obi-Wan interrupted, knowing C-3PO would continue forever otherwise.

Anakin stared him straight in the face, his wide eyes looked haunted. “It’s their first day of school. I forgot to set my alarm- I overslept.”

“...oh.” 

Well, that certainly explained why Anakin was so stressed, and _honestly,_ as if the man couldn’t possibly be more endearing than he already was. Anakin just had to go and fret about his children’s first day of school.

“I gotta-“ Anakin vaguely motioned to whatever it was he needed to do in order to prepare.

“Ah, yes-“ Obi-Wan realized his hand was still on Anakin, and he abruptly removed it and offered his friend a sheepish smile. “I have a meeting with the Council.”

Anakin nodded jerkily and hurried towards the twins’ bedroom, C-3PO hot on his heels, the droid prattling on and on. Obi-Wan attempted to shove any ridiculous lingering thoughts aside, and left them to it to see to his own obligations.

Obi-Wan slipped into a quiet room well out of Anakin’s way. He entered the comm code for the old folks’ home, and the holocomm flickered to life with the blue-tinted figures of the present Council members.

“Master Kenobi, is there a reason you requested this earlier meeting?” Master Windu inquired.

“Was the Council aware of the Chancellor’s recent visit to Naboo?” Obi-Wan asked, getting straight to the point. He intently watched the holo for their responses. 

Surprise dawned on their faces, and a few began to murmur amongst themselves. It was as Obi-Wan had suspected: the Council had not been aware that the Chancellor had left Coruscant. 

“It is highly inadvisable for the Chancellor of the Republic to leave the capitol without informing the Senate or the Order during such uncertain times,” Master Plo Koon commented over the low voices. “Master Kenobi, how did you come by this information?”

Obi-Wan explained Palpatine’s unexpected visit to the Skywalker residence in detail, noting his vocal disapproval of Obi-Wan’s presence, and how strangely the Force had felt around Anakin once the Chancellor had left.

“Deeply troubling, this information is.” It was never reassuring to see Master Yoda unsettled by anything.

“Agreed. Keep us informed if he makes contact with Skywalker again.” Obi-Wan nodded to Mace and ended the transmission, already lost in his own thoughts.

Obi-Wan was bothered by the mere idea that Palpatine was welcome to freely visit Anakin when his former padawan hadn’t even so much as sent him a single message in the years since he had left the Order. It insinuated a closeness beyond what he and Anakin shared, and it settled like lead in the pit of his stomach. Of course, he didn’t share that rather personal sentiment with the other Council members, though it had likely been written all over Obi-Wan’s face as he had explained the situation.

The conversation with the Council left Obi-Wan disquieted and a bit on edge, but he attempted to quickly reel himself back in... Only to be unable to do so, anxiety still gnawing at the edges of his mind. It took him longer than it should have to realize the lingering unease wasn’t his. Anakin’s anxiousness was bleeding through the Force. Concerned for his friend, Obi-Wan went to find him.

He emerged from the room to find Anakin with the twins in the kitchen in full stressed out father mode. C-3PO and R2-D2 were “helping,” which really just looked like the two droids were bickering with each other and distracting the twins.

Thankfully, Anakin had at least managed to get himself dressed, lest there be a riot when the handsome young man dropped his children off at school.

It looked as though the family was almost ready to leave, and Obi-Wan figured he missed most of the chaos during his meeting. However, the moment he entered the kitchen, Luke and Leia locked onto his presence.

“Daddy! We can’t go to school!” Luke proclaimed, tugging on his father’s arm urgently. “Our training starts today!”

“There’s no need to worry, your training can wait until _after_ school.” Obi-Wan chuckled at how adorably upset they were at the idea of possibly not getting to train with him. “Besides, don’t you want to go meet all your new friends?”

Leia pouted. “No! They stink. We wanna be with you!”

For a moment, Anakin looked like he was considering pulling out his hair, but he quickly came up with a solution. He knelt down to be eye-level with the twins. “Master Obi-Wan only trains good younglings who go to school and learn. So it’s really important for you two to go to school today, alright?”

Remarkably, that resolved the issue rather easily, and the children nodded in understanding. Leia turned to Obi-Wan with a serious look on her face and saluted. “We’ll be back.”

They likely wouldn’t have been even half as excited if they knew he was going to have them meditate. Just imagining how Luke and Leia were probably going to whine about it brought a smile to his face.

With their little school bags packed and ready to go, Anakin ushered the twins out the door. As Anakin scooped them up, one in each arm, Luke and Leia wiggled around to wave goodbye to Obi-Wan. He smiled and waved back to them, and it was hard not to laugh as he caught Anakin’s wide-eyed stare and exaggerated sigh before the family was out of sight. 

Which left Obi-Wan with the droids.

Thinking nothing of it, Obi-Wan inspected the contents of the conservator to find something to fix himself for a late breakfast. But when he neared the stove, R2-D2 beeped angrily at him.

“What, did Anakin elect you keeper of the kitchen?” Obi-Wan asked bemusedly.

The astromech answered with a noise not unlike a child blowing a raspberry.

“Artoo, don’t be so rude! Master Kenobi is our guest.” C-3PO admonished him. “Why must you always be so ill-mannered.” R2-D2 redirected his irate beeps at the protocol droid.

“No, no, it’s okay.” Obi-Wan interrupted their bickering. “I’ll just… make some toast.”

R2-D2 beeped his approval of Obi-Wan’s decision.

*

***

*

It wasn’t really all that long before Anakin returned, sullen and with red, puffy eyes. It was as though a cloud of melancholy was hanging over him when he slumped into a chair at the table.

“I was just about to make some tea,” Obi-Wan lied, placing his dirty dishes into the sink. “Would you like some?”

Anakin was quietly picking at a rough spot on the table, but he nodded.

Obi-Wan was well aware that Anakin typically preferred to process and release his emotions through physical activity, like tinkering with droids or sparring and practicing saber forms… but it seemed inconsiderate to make such a suggestion in that moment. 

How painfully uncomfortable would it be for Anakin if Obi-Wan were to suddenly spring that on him? _Would you like to spar to get your mind off things like the good ole times? Oh, not to worry, I actually happened to bring your lightsaber here. I couldn’t stand the idea of seeing you again and not having it with me._

_I’ve held onto it not just because it was the last piece of you I had left, but because I’ve been clinging to the feeble hope that you might come back to me one day._

_It belongs with you, not me._

_Nothing of yours was ever meant to be mine._

Obi-Wan opened the cabinet where Anakin kept the tea and was surprised to find a new, but incredibly familiar tin.

“Oh… When did you get this?” He held it up for Anakin to see.

“I uh, might have ordered some… That’s still your favorite, right?” Anakin looked down as he smiled a bit bashfully. “I have a good memory.”

At that, Obi-Wan gave Anakin the absolute driest of looks. The man who nearly slept through his children's first day of school because he forgot to set his alarm.

“Shut up,” Anakin huffed, his sullen mood quickly returning.

“I didn’t say anything at all,” Obi-Wan played innocent, but warmth spread through his chest at the thought of Anakin remembering something so unimportant about his old master.

Anakin fell quiet, but Obi-Wan could practically hear all of the thoughts rushing through the younger man’s mind. That was exactly the opposite of what Obi-Wan wanted to happen. He was trying to make Anakin feel better, not worse.

“You’re a good father, Anakin,” Obi-Wan offered as he set a cup of tea in front of him. It was true. He’d never seen someone who cared for their family so deeply. It showed in the amount of time, attention and hard work Anakin poured into his children and their home. His attempt to compensate for the loss of their mother was obviously wearing him thin even if he pretended he could handle it all on his own.

Anakin wrapped his hands around the warm cup and pulled it closer to himself, like some sort of anchor of comfort.

“...I have to be,” Anakin said after a moment. “I’m the only one left.”

He toyed with the handle on his cup while he continued, eyes downcast. “I only forgot because I had been trying so hard to avoid thinking about it at all,” Anakin admitted with a soft laugh laced in self-deprecation. ”I guess it worked.”

Anakin took a sip of the steaming tea before realizing it was still too hot, and his face scrunched up rather adorably as he probably burned his tongue. Immediately, he blew on the tea to cool it before taking another sip, ever impatient as always. Obi-Wan shook his head in exasperated fondness at his antics. 

“You don’t have to do everything by yourself, Anakin. Don’t be afraid to ask for help,” Obi-Wan said. “I’m certain Padmé’s family would be here for you if you ask them.”

“And…” Obi-Wan started, knowing full-well that he was likely about to insert his foot into his mouth. “And I’m here, too. If you need anything from me, if there’s anything I can help with, you need only ask.” There was no way for Anakin to know the depth of that statement. That Obi-Wan would literally do anything for him, and for Luke and Leia, too.

Anakin’s posture went rigid as he tensed at Obi-Wan’s words, and his grip on the cup tightened so much so that if it had been in Anakin’s mech hand, the cup likely would have shattered. His mouth settled into a thin line and his gaze was cold.

“Oh, yeah. Sure. You’re here.” Anakin’s voice was steady, but Obi-Wan picked up on the underlying hurt. “For now at least. How much longer until you’re the one who leaves us?”

The words cut deeper than any saber, and Obi-Wan was left speechless. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected, honestly, but he could hardly blame Anakin for not wanting his old master to waltz back into his life and chastise him for attempting to be independent. Obi-Wan could only blame himself for having grown so attached again in such a short amount of time. After all, he had never been able to turn away from Anakin Skywalker.

He finally found his words again. “I’m sorry. That wasn’t fair of me to say after everything-“

Anakin interrupted him. “No, Obi-Wan, just— Please forget I said that.” He was struggling with his words and ran a hand through his already messy hair. “I’m sorry I snapped at you, I’m… a little stressed out.”

“Luke and Leia will be fine. They’re your children, after all,” Obi-Wan offered, hoping to ease Anakin’s worries and bring a smile back to his face.

“That’s why I’m worried, actually.” A hint of humor crept back into his voice. “What if Leia punches one of the other students?”

“Well, let’s hope she takes after her mother more,” Obi-Wan joked wryly.

“That doesn’t make me feel any better.” Anakin genuinely laughed, seemingly in better spirits.

After finishing their tea, Anakin and Obi-wan went their separate ways for a while, but it seemed like hardly an hour or two had passed before Anakin came looking for him again. Obi-Wan was catching up on some recent debriefs on a datapad when the younger man appeared in the doorway of the room, holding two wooden practice swords. He had his hair tied back, too, only a few loose curls framed his cheekbones.

“It’s been a while since I’ve had anyone around I could spar with,” Anakin explained a bit sheepishly, awkwardly motioning with the hand that was holding the swords. 

Obi-Wan realized Anakin must have had trouble keeping his thoughts at bay by himself. It brought to mind the countless times Anakin had sought Obi-Wan out when they were together during the war, needing a more direct way to release his emotions. His padawan always struggled to find true calm through meditation; his thoughts and feelings overwhelmed the peace he sought. Oftentimes, Obi-Wan wondered if Anakin’s stronger connection to the Force was what made it so difficult for him.

“I could use a good sparring session to stay sharp if I’m going to be any good as your supposed protector, or whatever excuses the rest of the Council are making up to keep me here.” Anakin grinned, and Obi-Wan couldn’t help the trill of excitement that went through him. It’d been far too long since he’d been able to spar with someone who matched him as well as Anakin did.

Anakin gestured for Obi-Wan to follow him, so he did. They headed outside to a little clearing off to the side of the house, a wide expanse of nothing but grass blowing gently in the wind. When they reached it, Anakin wordlessly offered him one of the practice swords, and Obi-Wan took it, getting a feel for the weight and handle of it. He couldn’t even recall the last time he’d used a sword that wasn’t his own lightsaber.

Stopping a few paces away, Anakin entered into stance, and Obi-Wan followed suit. Of course, his former padawan moved to strike first. He always did.

They immediately settled into their old routine and moved through the katas together. Anakin had clearly kept up with his skills even though Obi-Wan hadn’t even seen him practice once while he had been staying there. His movements were the slightest bit less aggressive than they used to be, a nearly imperceivable difference that only Obi-Wan would be able to catch.

As the two continued, Obi-Wan sensed the way their Force signatures instinctively reached out for one another, seeking to twine together in the way they used to be so deeply interwoven. They moved to meet each other before every strike was even made, reaching that perfect synchronicity they achieved during the war. Two halves of one warrior.

Anakin’s presence was as warm as the sunlight beating down on them, and Obi-Wan let himself sink into it. 

Suddenly, Anakin took a few steps back and motioned for a pause. He dropped his sword in the grass and pulled his shirt up and over his head, revealing his chest, glistening with sweat as he breathed heavily. Obi-Wan’s mouth went dry and suddenly his own robes were much too hot in the bright sunlight of the field. He, too, shed a few layers, but he left on his dark undertunic for some semblance of modesty. 

He could have sworn he caught a glimpse of Anakin smirking before he was upon him again, the strikes of his sword swift and fluid as he pushed Obi-Wan back. Anakin was breathtaking when he was truly in his element, and Obi-Wan found himself drawn more and more into his presence. 

Obi-Wan might have allowed himself to become a bit too lax, watching Anakin too closely instead of moving to meet his attacks. Without the threat of imminent death of a battlefield, it was all too easy to lose himself in the moment, lose himself in Anakin. It was the most Anakin had let his shields down since Obi-Wan came to Naboo, and Obi-Wan couldn’t help but respond in kind by letting his own shields down. His Force signature instinctively reaching out further.

Of course, that would be Obi-Wan’s downfall. 

He was caught in the distracting haze of his own thoughts and resurfacing emotions, allowing his eyes to linger in the wrong places for a second too long. Suddenly, Anakin feinted and managed to sweep Obi-Wan’s legs out from under him. Obi-Wan hit the ground with a hard thump and found himself pinned down by Anakin’s legs on his own. A fiery glint shone in Anakin’s eyes as he kneeled above Obi-Wan and held the wooden sword to his throat.

The fall must have jolted Obi-Wan back to his senses, as he suddenly felt very aware of the… impropriety of their situation. A particular line of the Code began repeating in his mind like a broken holo-record.

There is no passion, there is serenity.

There is no passion, there is serenity.

_There is no passion, there is—_

“Do you yield?” Anakin asked, his voice rough.

Obi-Wan let the sword slip from his grasp and clatter to the ground. His breaths reduced to harsh panting from the exertion, his muscles burning, but a heavier warmth was spreading through his body the longer Anakin held him down.

“I yield.”

Anakin’s brilliant smile rivaled the sun as he released his hold on Obi-Wan and stood up. Obi-Wan remained on the ground for a moment, willing for his brain to catch up to the present.

“Have you gotten rusty without me around, old man?” Anakin teased his former master as he looked down at him. His face was flushed red, and Obi-Wan tore his gaze away to keep from following the color down Anakin’s chest.

“Perhaps you should be the one ‘protecting’ me. I’d say you hardly need me around,” Obi-Wan answered drily. 

Anakin extended his hand to help Obi-Wan off the ground, and Obi-Wan gladly accepted. Perhaps it was only his own wishful thinking, but Anakin’s hand lingered a moment too long after he’d pulled him up, as though he didn’t want to let go.

Obi-Wan didn’t want him to.

“You’re better company than the droids,” Anakin said with a smirk as he finally let go of Obi-Wan’s hand, although he seemed to have no intention of moving away.

“Oh, that’s high praise coming from you,” Obi-Wan fondly rolled his eyes.

He felt a bit off-kilter, his heart beating a little too fast still, but it was as if something inside of him re-awakened. Obi-Wan was beginning to feel more like himself than he had the entire time he had been on Naboo thus far, and maybe more than he even had in the years since Anakin’s departure. 

The more time he spent with Anakin, the lighter he felt. Despite how terribly selfish and inappropriate it was for a Jedi, Obi-Wan wanted to be close to Anakin, in any way the man would have him. He’d missed everything about Anakin so incredibly much, like part of himself had been missing all those years.

Obi-Wan felt alive again with Anakin.

The air was so thick with tension that it nearly felt like the Force itself was alive and electric around them. Obi-Wan felt an involuntary shiver pass through him, as if he could sense an oncoming storm despite the cloudless blue sky above. And yet, he wasn’t afraid. He had no doubts or fears because in his bones, he knew Anakin was that storm. He always had been. Violent and powerful in turns, and yet never something that Obi-Wan couldn’t withstand.

Anakin was so close. Close enough for Obi-Wan to reach out and touch, to let himself be swept away in the downpour.

Without thinking, Obi-Wan raised a trembling hand.

“Obi-Wan?” Anakin asked, his voice unsteady, or perhaps that was Obi-Wan’s imagination.

Or perhaps not.

A dinging noise suddenly went off, and Anakin stumbled back as if struck. He sprinted back to his discarded belongings and scooped them off the ground and checked his comm. “It’s almost time to go pick up Luke and Leia!” Anakin excitedly informed him.

Obi-Wan let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding and nodded to Anakin. “You wouldn’t want to be late again,” he said.

Giving Obi-Wan a jaunty salute on his way back to the house, Anakin all but raced away to get cleaned up to leave. Despite the unwelcome interruption from whatever foolishness he’d been about to commit, Obi-Wan would never tire of seeing Anakin practically bursting with love, no longer having to keep it shuttered away from prying eyes.

Obi-Wan gathered up his own clothes and headed towards the house as well, figuring it wouldn’t hurt to freshen up a bit before his first training session with the twins.

*

***

*

As Obi-Wan waited out on the veranda a short while later, he heard the chatter of little excited voices before Luke and Leia came running outside. Somehow, they seemed to still be full of energy even after spending the morning at school.

Anakin was close on their heels, but he stopped in the doorway, seemingly debating if he was going to continue to play hover-parent. Perhaps their obvious excitement made the decision for him, as he caught Obi-Wan’s eyes and made a gesture to tell him where he was going to be. Obi-Wan nodded in understanding as the children rushed to him.

He had expected Anakin would want to stay around to observe their training after spending nearly the entire morning worried about Luke and Leia, but getting them back home happy and safe must have dispelled his nerves. 

“Master Obi! What are we going to do today?” Leia eagerly asked, her brown eyes glittering with excitement.

“‘Master _Obi?’_ Am I no longer General Kenobi? I become your teacher and suddenly lose your respect?” Obi-Wan huffed with feigned annoyance, and the twins burst into a fit of giggles.

“It’s easier,” she explained matter-of-factly.

“I suppose that’s acceptable then,” Obi-Wan laughed. “Now, let’s focus, shall we?”

“Today we’re going to learn meditation. Now, do either of you know what that is?” he continued.

Both children shook their heads, and Obi-Wan couldn’t help but smile. He hadn’t really expected Anakin to have taught them this, but it was nice to be proven right.

“Alright. Simply put, meditation is a mental exercise of sorts. It is the act of finding your center. The feeling of your truest self, the energy of your own being, and your connection to the universe that surrounds you.”

“That sounds boring!” Leia complained.

Luke nodded in agreement. “Yeah, we want to learn cool stuff!”

“You can’t do the _‘cool stuff’_ without hurting someone until you know this,” Obi-Wan emphasized. “Being able to focus on the Force despite the noise of that which surrounds you will make you stronger. You want to be able to lift a whole Bantha, and not just a Loth-Kitten, don't you?”

Once the children’s grumbling finally quieted, he guided them into the appropriate posture and an easy calming breathing technique. They both started off surprisingly well given their age and the fact that their father always had difficulty with meditation. They likely wouldn’t be able to do much yet, but acquainting them with the Living Force around them was important for the foundation of any training they would receive in the future.

After some time and instruction, Obi-Wan felt the children focus and slowly reach out to the Force. A smile touched Obi-Wan’s lips as he felt the light and warmth radiating from them within the Force. Their power might not be the blinding and beautiful supernova of their father, but he had no doubt they would burn with all the brightness and strength of twin suns. Though one of those suns seemed to be flickering a bit, and Obi-Wan had to stifle a laugh as he opened his eyes and observed the twins.

He noticed Leia’s head was bobbing a bit as she drifted off to sleep. _Well, that’s one way to reach peace,_ Obi-Wan mused. It was surprising they lasted any time at all considering they likely had a busy first day of school.

“I do believe it’s about time for lunch, so that’s enough for today,” Obi-Wan said. Falling asleep was more along the lines to what he had expected from their first attempt at meditation.

“Leia?” Luke poked his sister in the arm, but when she didn’t stir he shoved her a bit, trying to wake her.

Seeing Leia about to topple over from the shove, Obi-Wan caught her. Leia grumbled a bit from the motion, but was otherwise sound asleep. Gently, Obi-Wan lifted her into his arms, and Leia immediately curled up against his shoulder, her tiny hands holding onto his tabards. Luke grabbed for his free hand as they headed back into the house. 

In that moment, a fierce wave of protectiveness washed over him, and Obi-Wan knew he would do _anything_ for these children. He would never let anyone or anything harm a single strand of hair on their heads.

When Obi-Wan reached the kitchen with the twins in tow, Anakin was in the midst of preparing lunch. At first Anakin paused when he glanced up to greet them, but he then broke out into the warmest smile and came over with outstretched arms for Obi-Wan to hand Leia off to him.

“If only I had known all it took to get Leia to take a nap was meditating with you,” Anakin quipped.

“She took to it about as well as you did as a child,” Obi-Wan retorted, but his tone was affectionate.

As Anakin got Leia situated in her usual spot at the table, she continued to grumble sleepily and tried to bat away Anakin’s hand when he tickled her to wake her up more.

“Wake up, princess. It’s time to eat,” he said as he kissed the top of Leia’s head. She heavily blinked away the drowsiness and rubbed at her eyes, looking quite displeased that her nap had been disturbed.

Obi-Wan busied himself with grabbing silverware and drinks for the family, while Luke settled into his seat at the table. He didn’t dare touch any of the food Anakin had been preparing, given the wrath he would likely face. Aside from some sandwiches and sliced fruit on the counter, there was a pot of stew simmering on the stove, a delicious aroma rising from it.

Anakin was at his side a few moments later, dividing up sandwiches and sliced fruit onto the plates. He shooed Obi-Wan away from the pot of stew.

“Don’t touch that,” Anakin said, brandishing a ladle at him. “The last time I saw you make _‘stew,’_ all you did was toss a ration bar into a pot of barely boiling water.”

“I wasn’t going to,” Obi-Wan insisted, earning a disbelieving huff from Anakin. “And besides, that was _years_ ago. Aren’t you ever going to let that go?”

Anakin nudged Obi-Wan towards the table, following not far behind. “Not a chance.”

“Master Obi, when are we gonna learn to throw stuff?” Luke asked, excitedly making little hand motions as if he was using the Force, as Anakin dodged around his gestures to set down his plate. 

_“Throw stuff?_ Wherever did you get that idea from?” Obi-Wan pointedly raised an eyebrow at Anakin.

“I don’t do that. No misuse of the Force over here,” Anakin defended himself, but Obi-Wan caught him quietly muttering _at least not in front of them._

Before Obi-Wan could lecture his former apprentice about inappropriate use of the Force, Leia- seeming to have finally dispelled her earlier sleepiness- interrupted enthusiastically. “Oh! We have something for you, Master Obi!”

Obi-Wan was fairly certain he heard the most defeated sigh he’d ever witnessed from Anakin as the twins blatantly ignored their food, and hopped out of their seats to race out of the room. He could hear their arguing with each other about who was going to give the present to Obi-Wan. The Jedi Master looked to Anakin for an answer, but he was clearly playing at being clueless about whatever was happening.

When Luke and Leia were out of earshot, Anakin ran a hand through his messy curls. “They keep convincing Artoo to hack past the holonet parental controls so that they can watch holovids from the war. I think he makes sure they haven’t seen the worst of it but—“ He explained with a grimace.

“Ah, that explains the—“ Obi-Wan mimicked Luke’s gestures, and Anakin laughed at him in amusement. He would give anything to always see Anakin this carefree, laughing brightly like he had before the war.

“They used to pester me all the time about where my ‘saber was, but I finally just told them I gave it to you.” Anakin’s bright expression faltered a bit. Clearly it still wasn’t the easiest thing for either of them to recall, despite their progress.

Obi-Wan’s thoughts drifted to the wooden box sitting in the drawer in the guest room. He considered finally mentioning it to Anakin, but it was that moment Luke and Leia came running back, each carrying a piece of flimsi. Both of them were absolutely beaming with pride as they presented their offerings to Obi-Wan.

“Oh? What do we have here?” Obi-Wan asked.

“You!” The twins chorused. 

“We made them at school,” Leia explained proudly.

“...me?” Obi-Wan took the offered pieces of flimsi and finally got a decent look at them. And sure enough, it was… himself.

Leia’s name was scribbled onto a drawing of Obi-Wan fighting a battle droid, and Luke’s was on one of him using the Force to levitate a rock. No doubt the two had been inspired by the holovids Anakin said they’d been secretly watching without his permission.

Admittedly, Obi-Wan’s favorite part of the drawings was the fact that they got his hair color completely wrong and had used a bright orange for it. There was just something utterly endearing about it, about the whole gesture, about his best friend’s two small children brightly smiling up at him. He could feel the laughter bubbling up within him and was powerless to stop it, laughing lighter and more carefree than he had in years until his cheeks began to hurt. 

“I told you they were quite taken with you,” Anakin commented as he watched fondly. 

“Yes, but I thought you were merely joking,” Obi-Wan admitted sheepishly.

“I always mean what I say to you, too. When it matters.” He had a cheeky grin on his face as he used Obi-Wan’s own words, but there was something more to Anakin’s tone that Obi-Wan couldn’t quite parse.

Luke and Leia were still eagerly awaiting a proper response from Obi-Wan, so he turned to fully face them as he thanked them for their gifts.

“These are absolutely wonderful. I don’t think anyone has ever captured my likeness quite so well as you two have,” Obi-Wan praised their drawings, a warm smile on his face as the twins beamed with pride. “Thank you very much, do I get to keep them?” The children nodded eagerly.

As Luke and Leia returned to the table, Obi-Wan took another moment to just… look at the drawings. The mere idea that Anakin’s children thought fondly enough of this old Jedi Master to give him such a thing filled Obi-Wan’s weary heart with warmth, and he could feel tears start pricking in his eyes.

Anakin must have noticed because he spoke up. “We could put them up on the conservator.”

“No, that’s alright. I think I know where I want to display them.” Tears abated for now, Obi-Wan barked out a laugh and added. “Why would we put them there when you never let me help cook? They’re _my_ gifts, I want to be able to see them.”

Anakin gave a soft huff of amusement, but nodded in agreement.

“Alright, kids. Now that you’ve given Obi-Wan his gifts, you need to actually sit down and eat your food,” Anakin said, a gentle authority in his voice that had the children in their seats within seconds.

Obi-Wan could feel Anakin’s gaze on him through the rest of lunch, but when he eventually glanced up to meet it, Anakin shyly smiled and looked down, averting his eyes. Hesitantly, Obi-Wan pushed a bit of his own affection and joy towards Anakin through their long unused bond. The younger man’s gaze whipped back up, and he was met with a brilliant smile in response. 

Happiness absolutely radiated in the Force around them, and Obi-Wan wanted so badly to be part of this forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! <3  
> I'd love to hear what you thought of this chapter :3c
> 
> Btw, I totally drew that with my left hand, lol.
> 
> You can find me at [elysian-prince ](https://elysian-prince.tumblr.com/) on tumblr!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you noticed, yes I did change my username. Same author, new shoes.  
> As always, thank you to my amazing editor [corgiwankenobi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/corgiwankenobi/profile) for lovingly cranking up the angst on everything I write. Please check out her new modern AU obikin fic, I love it so far C:
> 
> This chapter is a little heavier than the others, and a lot longer, oops. I hope you all enjoy it!  
> Also, how about a surprise guest that you all will actually like? :3c

It was difficult to fend off complacency with the way time seemed to pass so idyllically in the quiet lakeside where the glowing sunsets and calming waters made the war feel so very distant. Meanwhile, the most alarming occurrence in the Skywalker household usually involved the twins getting up to some sort of mischief with the droids. At one point Luke attempted to dismantle Threepio when he decided the protocol droid needed rocket boosters like Artoo.

Once Anakin got over the initial distress of sending the twins to school, he began to keep to himself and sink into his work to get more freelance projects finished before the children came home in the afternoons. But in those first few days he had followed Obi-Wan around like a lost puppy, unable to focus on anything other than stressfully wondering if his children were alright at school. It was terribly endearing, even if it meant Obi-Wan got little accomplished himself whenever Anakin pestered him for a distraction. 

He understood why Anakin needed the reassurance, especially given the rather nebulous danger that had brought Obi-Wan back into his life, but the Force felt calm as of late. When Anakin no longer needed his old master as a distraction, that left Obi-Wan with more free time than he’d probably had since his own padawan days.

As much as Obi-Wan tried to push it to the back of his mind, it felt like something was building between the two of them. With every passing day, the remaining frayed strands of their bond seemed to be weaving into a stronger connection.

It… would have been nice to have spent more time with Anakin, but it didn’t seem proper to bother him. If he wanted to spend time with his old master, Anakin always knew where to find him.

With little else to do aside from practicing katas and managing what few Council responsibilities he could while the war progressed without him, Obi-Wan had begun to read through the library. It wasn’t a large collection by any means, just a few tall bookshelves in a cozy study that likely doubled as an office when Padmé returned home from Coruscant. Many of the shelves were filled with governmental and political texts, but Obi-Wan tended to avoid those; perhaps a bit selfishly wanting to distance himself from those tasks he already faced as a council member and general.

During his idle searching, Obi-Wan discovered a nice little section of poetry collections amongst a shelf of cultural texts and literature from various planets. This morning, like many before it, he spent away into the corner of the loveseat with one of the books and a steaming cup of tea following his usual meditation. He adjusted his reading glasses as he sank into the words on the page, basking in the peaceful quiet without any disturbances or responsibilities calling his name.

In the midst of a particularly enjoyable poem, Obi-Wan felt a spark of unease followed soon after by the unmistakable roar of a starship low overhead. He hurriedly set the book down on the caf table, and headed outside to find out what was going on. The familiar weight of his saber at his hip was a reassuring presence against the dread that heaved about in his stomach.

The moment Obi-Wan reached the landing pad outside, he studied the unfamiliar ship that had just arrived. It wasn’t luxurious enough to be something that the Chancellor would deign to travel in, and it was much too small to fit his entire security detail. 

As he approached the ship, Obi-Wan sensed a familiar presence, one that he hadn’t felt in _years._ About that time, Anakin emerged from his workshop and bolted towards the new arrival as the cockpit opened.

“Snips!”

All of Obi-Wan’s unease washed away the moment he saw Ahsoka climb out of the ship, and Anakin immediately scooped her up in a crushing hug and spun around while she laughed. Obi-Wan watched them wistfully from a distance, their bright and open affection creating a warm bloom of fondness in his own heart.

When Ahsoka got her feet back on the ground, she playfully punched Anakin in the arm and grumbled. “Do you have to do that every time?” But Obi-Wan could see the mirth in her eyes even from a distance. 

“Until you’re taller than me, yes,” Anakin retorted.

“Where’s my welcoming party?” Ahsoka looked around for Luke and Leia, but her eyes grew wide when they settled on Obi-Wan walking towards them.

Anakin began explaining. “The twins are at school—”

Ahsoka whipped back around to look at Anakin. “They started school?! And I _missed_ their first day? Oh, I bet you were a mess. I’d pay for a holovid of that.”

“Shut up,” Anakin sulked with an indignant huff.

“How much? I think Artoo might have recorded one,” Obi-Wan spoke up, unable to resist poking fun at Anakin. The younger man mumbled something about traitors.

“Master Kenobi!” Ahsoka grinned as Obi-Wan approached the pair to properly greet his former grand-padawan. But she caught him a bit off-guard by throwing her arms around him in a warm hug, though more reserved than the one she’d given Anakin.

Hesitantly, Obi-Wan returned the hug, noticing how much taller she’d grown since he’d last seen her. She was no longer that tiny teenager who gave him just as much of a headache as her master had. Eventually, he took a step back and looked her over. Not only was she taller, but she’d grown obviously stronger, too. The darker clothes she wore reminded him of Anakin’s own stylistic choices, and her sleeveless vest showcased muscular arms that he was fairly certain could pick him up with only a little effort.

“How have you grown so quickly, little one?” He asked in disbelief.

“Speak for yourself, old man,” Ahsoka huffed and tugged on the gray hairs at Obi-Wan’s temples. “I thought Skyguy and I were the cause of that, but it seems like you can’t entirely blame us anymore.”

Her sudden crassness and blunt honesty made Obi-Wan sputter. How could he ever forget how very much like Anakin their young padawan had always been? The greying at his temples had gotten a lot worse in recent years, but he had been _trying_ to ignore it.

“I can only imagine I’d be fully grey if I’d spent the past six years watching you two recklessly fling yourselves into danger,” Obi-Wan shot back dryly.

Ahsoka finally turned her attention back to Anakin and shot him a glare. “Why didn’t you tell me Master Kenobi was here?”

Anakin gave Obi-Wan a peculiar, lingering look, as though he was distracted by something, but then he turned to respond to Ahsoka, rolling his eyes at her. “Because I’m running out of spare beds, and I’m _not_ sleeping on my own couch when the rest of the galaxy decides to visit, too.”

“Aw, I’m stuck with the couch this time?” Ahsoka whined, shoulders deflating a bit.

Obi-Wan chuckled at their antics. Just listening to the two of them, he could almost pretend nothing had changed. It was reassuring that Anakin still had someone he was close to, that he hadn’t lost everyone when he left the Order... Though, Obi-Wan supposed that was something Ahsoka and Anakin had in common.

He noticed Anakin was staring at him again, his mouth just a smidge agape. Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow at him questioningly.

“What’s wrong with your face?” Anakin finally blurted out.

“My face?” Obi-Wan ran a hand over his face, hoping there wasn’t any food in his beard or something else embarrassing. His hand immediately bumped into his glasses. “Oh, my reading glasses. I suppose in my hurry to see who our latest visitor was, I forgot to take them off.” 

Obi-Wan removed his glasses and tucked them into the front of his robes. A flash of disappointment seemed to cross Anakin’s face after he took the glasses off, but surely Obi-Wan was mistaken. 

Ahsoka watched them with a knowing smirk on her face. “Good to see you two are the same as you always were.”

Face flushed, Anakin coughed awkwardly and waved Ahsoka and Obi-Wan off. “You two should catch up while I finish in the garage. I need to pick up the kids from school in a little bit, but I’ve gotta finish some shit up first.” Obi-Wan wondered what had gotten into Anakin, he was acting rather strangely all of a sudden, but his attention was drawn away when Ahsoka caught him by the arm.

Obi-Wan followed his former grand-padawan into the house and almost laughed when she immediately flopped onto the couch, nestling into the pillows and stretching her legs out with a sigh, mumbling about the couch not being so bad after all. 

“So, what brings you to Naboo, Master?” Ahsoka asked, not even trying to hide her curiosity.

Obi-Wan took a seat next to her before he began to explain the shatterpoints Mace had seen and their connection to Anakin and the children, as well as the unease the Council had sensed in the Force. He left out the finer details about monitoring the Chancellor’s suspicious behavior; not that he didn’t trust his former grand-padawan, it just wouldn’t do to inadvertently reveal the investigation. Ahsoka seemed to take the situation quite seriously, her brow furrowing in obvious thought, but she didn’t offer up any of them.

“When was the last time you visited?” Obi-Wan asked. The chances of Ahsoka having any leads were unlikely, but it never hurt to ask. Perhaps she could shed light on something Obi-Wan otherwise hadn’t seen.

Her expression fell and she sat up a little straighter. “Right after Padmé’s death. Obviously Anakin was… he was not doing well.” The thought of Anakin having to barely hold himself together for his children made Obi-Wan’s heart ache, he should have been there for him. 

“I think… Anakin needs reminders that he hasn’t lost everyone.” Ahsoka gave Obi-Wan a pointed look, though it lacked judgement, as if she was trying to remind Obi-Wan of something, too, without putting it into words. 

He looked away, casting his gaze down at his hands. Obi-Wan had failed Anakin in that respect… and in all likelihood, whatever it was that he was doing here still wasn’t enough. Obi-Wan turned and met Ahsoka’s eyes, and it truly hit that he had failed his grand-padawan, as well.

Gently, Obi-Wan placed his hand on Ahsoka’s shoulder, thinking of the immense weight those shoulders had held long before they should have. Her youth was stolen by war, and then the Order had failed to protect her.

Obi-Wan had failed to protect her.

“Ahsoka… I’m so sorry.”

A smaller hand came to rest on his own. “That’s in the past, Master.” She sounded as though she were trying to reassure him. “Don’t forget I chose to leave, too.”

Her maturity was far beyond her years. The galaxy had never given her any other option.

“I could have done more for you,” Obi-Wan continued, heart heavy as he remembered the trial. “I felt limited by my position on the Council, but that was only an excuse. I _should_ have done more for you.”

“I appreciate you saying that.” She squeezed his hand before letting go, warmth in her eyes. “Truly. But don’t go beating yourself up over it like you always do. There’s nothing to be done about it now.” 

For a moment, Obi-Wan almost felt like a youngling being scolded. But Ahsoka was right, living in the past would accomplish nothing.

“I’ve been able to see the galaxy outside of the Order… how this war is taking its toll even on those who aren’t in the thick of it. I’ve heard what they think of us— of the Order.” Her tone was sober.

Ahsoka went on to share the story of two sisters she had met in the lower levels of Coruscant and how they had lost their parents to a terrible accident. Through their loss and suffering, she had grown to understand public perception of the Jedi. It was the kind of sentiment Obi-Wan was unfortunately hearing more and more of as the war waged on, of those who felt as though the Jedi had forsaken them. Those who had come to believe that the Jedi served at the Senate’s beck and call and were no longer the peacekeepers of legend.

It pained Obi-Wan immensely when he thought of those they weren’t able to save, those whose suffering they had inadvertently worsened with their actions. Even before the war, before their own numbers were decimated by death and destruction, there hadn’t been enough Jedi in the galaxy to help everyone who needed it.

He wondered how difficult it had been for Ahsoka to experience that loss of trust and faith firsthand and to have been powerless to change it. Even now, Obi-Wan could see in her furrowed brow and the frown etched across her face that Ahsoka was frustrated by her inability to help everyone she encountered.

“Ahsoka,” Obi-Wan began. “I have no doubt that had you remained in the Order, you would have become one of the finest Jedi in our history. That you could have helped guide the Order to return to our true purpose after the war. Your leaving was a great loss to the Order, but it’s clear that you have continued to grow and shine on your own, dear padawan.”

“As if there could ever be a finer Jedi than you, Master Obi-Wan,” she shot back with a grin. But such praise made guilt rise within him like bile in his throat. He hardly felt deserving of such recognition, not after so many of the choices he had made.

“But I have to admit something…” Before his guilt could fester too badly, Ahsoka spoke again. “I- I understood later on, but… I was really kriffin’ mad at you after that whole Hardeen mission.”

Obi-Wan hadn’t expected Ahsoka to bring it up so directly. The guilt within him felt close to spilling over, and he quickly apologized. “Ahsoka, I don’t expect forgiveness for my past decisions, but please know that I am terribly sorry for the unwarranted grief I caused you—“

She interrupted him with a wave of her hand. “No, I understand why you didn’t tell me. Thinking I had lost you was hard— you were just as much my master as Anakin.” 

Ahsoka hesitated for a moment, appearing to mull over whether or not to unleash her honest thoughts on the matter. Her voice was soft, yet steady when she found her words. “How could you do that to _Anakin?”_

He didn’t have an answer for her. He didn’t even have an answer for himself. Time and time again, Obi-Wan had told himself that it was the right choice, not telling Anakin about the mission. Without Anakin’s grief, how would they have sold his death?

It was… one of the worst decisions he had made in his entire life.

“I’ve only seen Anakin like that one other time. It was like he… he lost himself,” Ahsoka continued. “The only person he had around who could help was me, and it’s not like I had any clue what to do.”

“I…” It was Obi-Wan’s turn to struggle with his words. He’d never spoken about the deception, and it had remained a scar on his relationship with Anakin for the rest of their time together. “I truly believed he would continue on as a Jedi should. I thought- I didn’t realize my death would impact Anakin so deeply.” 

His former grand-padawan stared at him, eyes wide in… disbelief?

“You still have absolutely no idea, do you?” Ahsoka asked. “How much you mean to Anakin.”

The very thought made his traitorous heart leap, but he smothered it down. What would Anakin care for his old master when he had chosen a life without him?

“I find such a concept hard to fathom, yes,” Obi-Wan answered, his truthfulness surprising even himself.

He waited for Ahsoka to elaborate, but she just shook her head. “It’s not mine to tell.”

“But if I may give you some advice, Master. Perhaps you two should talk instead of just releasing your emotions into the Force.” She pondered something for a moment before adding, “Life is short. The people you care about should know that you do.”

He nodded solemnly, smoothing a hand over his beard as he contemplated Ahsoka’s words. Receiving advice from his former grand-padawan should be odd, but somehow, it wasn’t.

Despite their tentative honesty with each other, there was still so much he and Anakin hadn’t discussed yet. So many things they had ignored for too long and allowed to pile up and grow into a barrier between them. A gap Obi-Wan hadn’t been able to bridge even before Anakin left the Order.

*

***

*

It seemed as though a proper chance to speak to Anakin wasn’t going to present itself.

Instead, a cloud of melancholy had settled over the household in the following days, a pervasive gloominess that only yielded in the moments the twins were home from school and followed _‘Auntie Soka’_ around like her little shadows. Obi-Wan would almost have been jealous if it wasn’t for the way watching Ahsoka with Luke and Leia warmed his heart, even if he felt a bit bereft being replaced as the current most interesting person in the house.

Anakin became uncharacteristically somber and reserved, burying himself in his work once again whenever he wasn’t spending every possible moment with his children. Obi-Wan came to miss the precious moments they had begun carving out together. He wished to look up from his datapad to find Anakin wanting to spar again. He longed to feel Anakin’s brilliant joy instead of this muted whisper of his presence that seemed to haunt the halls like a ghost. 

Anakin’s shields were up too high for Obi-Wan to discern any sort of inkling for the sudden shift in his friend. He was out of reach in a way that felt deliberate, and though he grew more and more concerned, Obi-Wan respected Anakin’s apparent desire to be left to his own devices. He trusted that Anakin would come to him when he was ready.

Though Anakin still smiled at mealtimes, it never quite reached his eyes, as if he were only putting on a charade for his children. Ahsoka didn’t offer any explanations for Anakin’s sudden distant behavior either.

It had been going on for a few days when the shrill ring of a comm call interrupted dinner one night.

Caught off guard by the ring, Anakin fumbled with the comm before answering it, and Ahsoka leaned over to catch a glimpse of who was calling him.

She grimaced when she read the name on the screen. “Don’t answer that in the middle of dinner. You’re setting a bad example for the children.” 

“I can’t send the Chancellor to voicemail,” Anakin huffed as he stood up to leave the table.

Ahsoka reached for his comm. “I can do it for you if you don’t remember how.” 

Anakin rolled his eyes at her in what seemed to be an attempt to look put out, but Obi-Wan could see hints of laughter Anakin was holding back as he left the room to answer the comm.

“That sh— _crap_ again?” Ahsoka caught her slip and cautiously glanced to see if the kids were listening to her. “He used to call and stop by here pretty often before Padmé passed. Enough that I noticed it even though I was hardly around.”

“Did you ever... notice anything unusual?” Obi-Wan asked tentatively.

“Other than the Chancellor himself?” Ahsoka snarked. “No, not really. He’s always seemed to… pay a bit too much attention to Anakin.”

“The Chancellor visited recently, and Anakin just seemed… agitated afterwards? I’m not certain how to describe it exactly, but it’s almost as if he was _looking_ for a fight,” Obi-Wan added.

Ahsoka pondered that information for a moment. “I wouldn’t exactly say he’s very high on the list of people I trust. Or that he’s even on it at all.” She sighed as she fidgeted with her hands. 

Their conversation was cut short by Anakin reentering the room. His brow was furrowed and any sign of lightheartedness that had appeared during his banter with Ahsoka was long gone. Anger began to stir within Obi-Wan.

“What was that about?” Obi-Wan inquired, hoping his tone didn’t betray his inner thoughts.

“Oh, Chancellor Palpatine wanted to invite us to celebrate the festival with him at the palace,” Anakin answered tiredly.

That caught the attention of the twins, who had been rather quiet since their father left the room. 

“Daddy, are we going to the city this time?” Leia asked excitedly, eyes twinkling.

“No, no, we’re celebrating at home this year. I know where there’s a better view, anyway.” Leia slumped in her seat, clearly disappointed with her father’s answer.

“A festival? You haven’t mentioned anything,” Obi-Wan commented.

Anakin’s expression suddenly grew tight. “I haven’t? It must’ve slipped my mind.”

“It’s the memorial festival, right?” Ahsoka asked. Anakin gave a quiet nod before he busied himself with cleaning up dishes.

Then it dawned on him.

That was the reason Anakin had become so quiet the past few days. The reason he held Luke and Leia all the more closer when he spent time with them. Obi-Wan could kick himself for not realizing it sooner.

“Anyway, I turned down his offer. This is for family, and I don’t want to play politics during it,” Anakin said with a sigh.

“Quite understandable.” Obi-Wan remarked, relieved that his former padawan wasn’t going to take his family to spend time with Palpatine. “So, when is this festival?”

“Tomorrow night.”

As nighttime began to fall, the sun dipping down below the horizon and painting the sky a masterpiece of burning purples and oranges, the trio gathered the children and loaded up the speeder with necessities for the evening. Once Luke and Leia were safely buckled into their speeder-seats, they headed downriver to a small clearing near the overlook of a waterfall.

By the time they had reached their destination, the hues of the sky were dipping into navy and blues, the moons and stars shining unhindered by the light pollution of the capital. Obi-Wan noticed a few other groups and families gathering along the riverside, as well.

Luke and Leia impatiently crowded around Anakin as he unpacked everything from the back of the speeder. Anakin handed long matches and small votive candles to Ahsoka, then he delicately unfolded the paper lanterns the children had drawn designs on sometime earlier. As the thin paper was unfolded, small drawings of a smiling figure with long dark hair were revealed.

Once the lanterns were upright and stable, Ahsoka handed a candle to each of the twins, and their father guided them to setting the candles inside the lanterns. Anakin motioned for them to take a step back, and Obi-Wan gently placed his hands on their shoulders to keep them from rushing forward the moment the lanterns were lit. 

When the lanterns were ready, Luke grabbed his father’s hand to drag him towards the riverbank while Ahsoka busied herself with unfolding a few more lanterns and setting candles inside them.

Leia looked up at Obi-Wan expectantly and tugged on the sleeve of his robes. “Master Obi, help me with my lantern.” 

“Certainly, dearest,” he answered with a soft smile.

Obi-Wan carried the lit lantern for Leia, and when they reached the river, he knelt down to gently help her set the lantern afloat. Sadness filled his heart as Padmé’s smiling face slowly drifted away in the slow current. Leia leaned against Obi-Wan’s arm as they watched the flickering lantern. He could feel her quiet sorrow in the Force, could feel the heartache of the entire family as they mourned.

He gazed to where Anakin and Luke were, and in the dim light of the night sky, Obi-Wan could still see the way Anakin’s eyes were glistening with unshed tears as he held his son close. Obi-Wan led Leia over to the rest of her family, and Anakin pulled her in close as he pointed out a family across the river that was releasing their own lanterns. 

Despite the other participants gathered around, it was a very private affair in its own way. One that he thought Padmé would have preferred compared to that ghastly public spectacle that had been broadcast across the holonet in the wake of her death. The intimacy of it gave her loved ones a place to grieve without the scrutiny of prying eyes.

Wanting to give them more privacy, Obi-Wan walked back up from the riverbank to rejoin Ahsoka, but she met him halfway, holding out a lantern for him along with the box of matches with an encouraging smile. He graciously accepted the offered items and returned to the water.

Briefly, Obi-Wan contemplated if he should write names on the lantern before releasing it, but there were simply too many to fit them all. Qui-Gon, Satine, the countless Jedi and clones they had lost. He carefully lit the candle inside the lantern, taking a moment to think about each and every name before setting the lantern loose. He watched it drift away, the flickering candlelight a symbol of every life extinguished too soon.

As the lanterns slowly floated away, they eventually joined the dozens and dozens of others that were being released by others along the river. The lights reflected off the water like a sea of fire igniting the surface of the water in warm swathes of orange.

Obi-Wan felt a presence at his side and turned to find Ahsoka had joined him after releasing her own light in the river. The soft glow of the lanterns reflected brightly in her watering eyes. As Obi-Wan put a hand on Ahsoka’s shoulder, he pushed some comfort her way in the Force. She looked up and gave him a watery smile as she wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand.

The lanterns flickered as they slowly drifted down the river, a sea of life gradually fading into the distance before disappearing over the edge of the waterfall. 

A somber silence settled over the family on the return trip home, but the Force was calm, no longer weighed down by grief as though their hearts had been soothed by the celebration of life and remembrance.

Instead of retiring for the night, Anakin started a small fire in the fire pit out on the veranda, and the twins gathered around Artoo as the droid projected home recordings of Padmé with them. Ahsoka brought blankets out for everyone as the chill of the night began to set in. 

When the last holovid flickered to an end, Luke turned to Obi-Wan. “Did you know Mommy?”

The Jedi Master sat down on the ground to be on level with the children, and he fought back a shiver at the way the chill of the cold stones crept into his bones.

“I did,” Obi-Wan answered. “I’d known her as long as your father, actually. We met just before my master, Qui-Gon, found Anakin on Tatooine.” The children perked up at his words, their eyes glimmering with excitement.

“Do you have any stories about Mommy?” Leia asked.

He told them about when Padmé was the Queen of Naboo and how brave she was during the blockade crisis. He told them of her incredible strength and poise as she fought for her people in the Senate, and how she returned to Naboo to free them, despite the dangers.

 _”Wizard,”_ Luke whispered in awe. Obi-Wan was overcome with fondness at hearing the familiar colloquialism. 

Despite paying rapt attention to the story about their mother, Luke and Leia appeared to be growing nearer and nearer to falling asleep. Leia was already using her brother’s shoulder as a pillow as her eyelids got heavier. 

Once it was clear the children were barely able to keep their eyes open, Ahsoka began to usher them into the house, but she waved Anakin off when he tried to follow her to take care of the children. _“Auntie Soka’s_ got this tonight, Skyguy. Take the rest of the night off.” For once, Anakin didn’t insist.

The moon’s bright reflection stretched across the clear lake, and the night settled into its dark hues. With Ahsoka and the twins inside the house, that left Obi-Wan alone with Anakin for the first time in days.

Anakin was the very picture of coziness, nestled in his blanket on a seat by the fire pit, and Obi-Wan longed to be near him. It must have been written all over his face because Anakin caught his eyes and patted a spot next to himself, inviting Obi-Wan to join him. 

With a little hesitation, Obi-Wan extracted himself from the cold stones and sat next to Anakin, who immediately scooted closer and tossed the blanket over Obi-Wan’s shoulders as well. Their proximity was incredibly intimate, knees and shoulders touching and warming Obi-Wan’s insides more than the fire ever could.

“You know, you didn’t have to sit on the cold ground with them,” Anakin pointed out, voice tinged with amusement.

“Yes, well, they were enjoying the story,” Obi-Wan countered. Anakin smiled tenderly at him, and Obi-Wan wanted nothing more than to capture that sight and keep it tucked away in his heart for days when the rest of the galaxy was just too much.

Lost in his thoughts, Anakin didn’t say anything else for a while as he quietly gazed at the crackling flames in the fire pit. The warm light danced across the planes of Anakin’s face and burned in the azure depths of his eyes. Finally, Obi-Wan broke the silence with the question he never wanted to ask.

“If I may ask… what happened to her?”

The question had plagued his thoughts for months, even before coming to Naboo and reconnecting with Anakin. Obi-Wan had long considered Padmé among his friends, no matter what had happened. She had been so young, with her whole life ahead of her… He had believed she would change the galaxy.

“I… don’t know.” Anakin’s reply was so quiet Obi-Wan almost didn’t catch it.

“...What?” Obi-Wan prompted, just in case he had misheard.

Anakin took a deep, shaky breath. “I don’t know. The medic droids were unable to determine the cause.”

The Force trembled around them as Anakin’s grief rose, as if it were mourning with him, weeping for the loss of one of its stars.

“There were signs beforehand, but neither of us could see them. That’s the worst part. She’d been so stressed and exhausted but kept saying it was just work, and I believed her,” Anakin began to explain, an underlying current of emotions carrying his words. His eyes were glistening with tears, but they didn’t fall.

“It wasn’t like my mother. I didn’t have dreams or any bad feelings. Everything had been… fine.”

“The children and I were supposed to join Padmé on a trip to Coruscant, like a little family trip of sorts. The twins hadn’t been there yet and had been begging to see where Padmé worked.” The briefest of smiles flashed across Anakin’s face when he mentioned the children. Obi-Wan could only imagine how excited the two had been at the prospect of traveling to Coruscant.

“But Leia had caught a cold. You know how they share everything, especially germs. Knowing that Luke would probably catch it soon after, I stayed home to take care of the children. Padmé didn’t want to leave while Leia was sick, but she and a group of Senators had been working on a bill to extend full rights to the clones as Republic citizens. They had set up a meeting with the Chancellor himself about it to be sure it would be brought to the Senate floor for a vote. She’d been working herself to the bone to get it done and kept calling it the most important legislature of her career."

"So, I told her we would be fine. We would just make the trip some other time," Anakin’s voice began to waver, but he continued on.

"And everyone was fine, really. Luke and Leia had coughs and runny noses for a week, but it wasn’t anything too terrible. When Padmé came back she seemed exhausted and a little sick herself, but she insisted it was just work stress and that she’d probably picked up the twins’ cold before she had left."

"But… she just didn’t get better. She was tired all the time and no one knew what to do. As she grew weaker, her presence had felt like she was slipping away."

“I tried everything I could,” Anakin choked out as he looked down at his hands. “But I’m not a healer— nothing I did helped. I couldn’t save her. The doctors didn’t know what was wrong.” He clenched his fists painfully so, and Obi-Wan reached out to cover one with his own hand as he sent as much comfort through their bond as he could muster.

Finally, the tears burst forth, Anakin unable to hold them back any longer. “All of my power couldn’t do anything. I just watched her die- just like my mother. Some great savior I am.”

It seemed as though Anakin were truly confronting his loss and sharing the burden of it with someone else for the first time. Through the immense sadness suffusing in the air around them, a glimmer of gratitude was pushed back at Obi-Wan through their bond.

Although Obi-Wan couldn’t put a finger on it, something had seemed terribly off throughout Anakin’s recount of the tragic loss. The lack of answers surrounding Padmé’s death just didn’t sit right with him, though perhaps it was simply the emotional strain of the night. As Anakin leaned further into his side, Obi-Wan slipped his arm around his friend and held him closer, trying to be the support that he had failed to be in the past. 

He pushed the troubling thought to the back of his mind.

*

***

*

After a few days, Obi-Wan reached a point where he was done waiting for his former padawan to seek him out. Ahsoka’s words had been replaying over and over again in his mind. _The people you care about should know that you do._

Obi-Wan had felt the intensity of the grief that had been rolling off Anakin in waves the night of the memorial as if it were his own. He couldn’t heal his dear friend’s wounds, he couldn’t erase Anakin’s hurt or fill the aching void left behind by Padmé… but Obi-Wan could be there for Anakin as much as he would allow.

And he could try to make up for his own shortcomings and the scars he had carved into Anakin’s soul with his own hands.

There was no way Obi-Wan could have broached the subject while Anakin had been dealing with so much that night, but since then his presence had felt lighter, as though sharing his grief had made it easier to carry. Anakin had needed comfort and support, not Obi-Wan piling his own regrets on top of Anakin’s pain, reopening old wounds.

But there would never truly be a perfect moment to bring up such sensitive subjects, which was why Obi-Wan found himself heading to Anakin’s workshop as Ahsoka was watching over Luke and Leia.

When Obi-Wan walked through the door, he was buffeted by a wall of sound some people might have called music blasting from the stereo system. He spotted Artoo near a control panel and motioned for the droid’s attention.

“Artoo! Could you turn that noise down?” Obi-Wan shouted over the music. 

Artoo beeped cheerfully and suddenly the music swelled even louder. That blasted droid had to have a loose wire somewhere. 

Obi-Wan attempted to get Anakin’s attention by gently brushing against his signature in the Force, like a tap on the shoulder. But all he received was a distracted nudge back in response. A more direct method would be needed then.

With a huff and a roll of his eyes, Obi-Wan walked over to where he could see Anakin’s legs sticking out from under the speeder he was working on for a client. Unable to even hear his own voice over the cacophony coming from the speakers, Obi-Wan caught the edge of Anakin’s rolling cart and slowly pulled him out from underneath the speeder.

Eyes wide in surprise, Anakin’s grease smudged face stared up at Obi-Wan from his spot on the floor. He was leaning over Anakin at quite an unfortunate angle… or rather, it would be quite fortunate if their circumstances were different. Obi-Wan quickly pushed that thought away. He took a step back so Anakin had room to get up, but Anakin still bonked his head on the speeder as he stood, grumbling something Obi-Wan couldn’t hear over the noise.

 _‘What?’_ Obi-Wan mouthed, not even bothering to try to verbalize his response.

The blaring music cut off with a wave of Anakin’s hand, and Obi-Wan reflexively shot his former padawan _a look_ for such casual use of the Force.

“I said, give me a warning next time, Obi-Wan. Yeesh.” Anakin rubbed the spot he had smacked his head on the speeder.

“I did. You were just distracted.” Obi-Wan smirked at him.

Obi-Wan couldn’t let himself be distracted and forget the reason he sought Anakin out that day. “Anakin, I believe there’s something we need to discuss.”

The younger man froze as if he were caught in headlights. Then Anakin nervously began trying to right his appearance, pulling his hair out of its tie and running his still grease-covered hand through it. Realizing what he’d done, he grimaced and wiped his hand on his pants leg, leaving behind a nice handprint on his thigh that Obi-Wan had to tear his gaze away from.

Anakin turned away from Obi-Wan, fiddling with anything and nothing, obviously trying to appear busy. “Is something wrong? Did I do something?” 

“What? No, whatever would make you think that?” Obi-Wan asked. He hadn’t a clue why Anakin was suddenly acting so nervous around him.

Anakin gestured vaguely at Obi-Wan, looking more than a little flustered. “You! Maybe. _Kriff,_ you can’t just pull the _‘we need to talk’_ all sudden and ominous like that. My life flashed before my eyes just now.” Anakin huffed out a single laugh, seeming mostly recovered. “What’s on your mind?”

“I’ve just been thinking…” Obi-Wan started.

“That’s dangerous, Master,” Anakin interrupted with a teasing smirk.

“Not any more so than when you do it, dear padawan,” Obi-Wan shot back as he rolled his eyes fondly. At least if Anakin was in a better mood, it might make the impending conversation easier.

“Anakin…” Obi-Wan’s tone slipped into something more serious as he locked eyes with Anakin. “Let’s not keep any more secrets from each other. It seems to me that’s how we ended up this way in the first place.” Obi-Wan knew he was more than responsible for the secrets that had driven them apart.

The cheerful look on Anakin’s face faded away and he averted his eyes as he nervously wrung a dirty rag with his hands. “Alright, hold on. Give me a moment to clean up first.”

After Anakin cleaned up a bit, the pair found themselves wandering alongside the lake before finding a seat on some rocks that had been warmed by the sunlight beaming down on them. Obi-Wan caught himself almost getting lost as he watched the soft breeze rustle Anakin’s curls.

Even if Anakin’s unease wasn’t obvious in his posture, Obi-Wan could feel it slipping through the cracks in his shields. For a moment, Obi-Wan worried he was projecting his own apprehension and making matters worse, so he shored up his own shields.

The silence grew between them, neither he nor Anakin wanted to break the quiet peace of the afternoon. Neither truly wanted to confront the lingering shadows between them, but they couldn’t continue to ignore the things that had pushed them apart before. They had only grazed the surface when they discussed Anakin’s departure from the Order, while something much more grim lurked in the depths, threatening their tenuous reconciliation. If left in the dark too long, it would fester into distrust again and drag them both under.

Obi-Wan wanted nothing more than to dispel the tension between them forever, and addressing his own failings was a step he would have to take. He spared a thought about how being apart for so long actually seemed to help them discuss matters in a way they might not have ever been able to otherwise. As he grasped for somewhere to start first, his thoughts drifted to Ahsoka and the conversation he had with her.

“I shouldn’t have left you to defend our padawan by yourself,” Obi-Wan finally spoke, his words shattering the silence. 

He wasn’t looking directly at Anakin, but he heard a soft puff of breath that could almost be called a laugh.

“She was _my_ padawan,” Anakin pointed out.

“Semantics. She… always felt like ours.” It was something Obi-Wan had never outright admitted to Anakin before, but that didn’t make it any less true.

“We… we made it through,” Anakin said. “Ahsoka is incredibly strong. I’m not sure if I could have made it through such a thing when I was her age.”

“You taught her well,” Obi-Wan commented.

“Don’t you mean we taught her well?” Anakin corrected him with a hesitant smile.

“Regardless, I should have done more—”

Anakin waved a hand dismissively. “You were limited by your position on the Council,” he said, parroting the excuses Obi-Wan had offered, though his disbelief in them rang loud and clear.

It was almost easy to blame his council position for his decisions and shortcomings, but it absolutely was not an excuse for failing the people he cared about, the people who relied on him.

“Anakin, I know this is beyond overdue, but I do not have the words to express how deeply sorry I am for putting you through such pain.” Anakin tensed up next to Obi-Wan. He clearly knew exactly what Obi-Wan was speaking of without having to call the betrayal by name. 

Anakin pointedly stared out across the lake, avoiding eye contact, and Obi-Wan couldn’t possibly blame him. In the days after the deception had come to an end, Obi-Wan could hardly look his own reflection in the eyes. It would be incredibly difficult for even himself to forgive such blatant manipulation. But if it were Anakin in his place, Obi-Wan knew he would forgive him every single time.

“I was absolutely in the wrong for not including you in on my plan, and I understand if you can never forgive me. However, please know if given the choice again, I would never choose to hurt you in such a way again.”

The moment he had faked his death, no, the moment he had chosen to not include Anakin, to use his grief for theatrics despite the warnings from Mace and Yoda, was the moment he had lost Anakin. And Obi-Wan could never fault him if that meant forever.

Anakin was quiet and unmoving, not a trace of what he was feeling or thinking on his face or slipping through his shields. Obi-Wan continued forward, trying to not lose momentum now that he had finally broken the lock on the gates that had long held them back. He felt his own emotions rising and threatening to boil over, but he choked them down to finish.

“I was aware of your fears, but… I suppose I reasoned that there was no way you could miss your old master much. Anakin, I believed in you as a Jedi. I believed in your capability to continue forward. I thought I had been able to impart at least that much to you as your teacher, but I understand that I failed you in that respect, as much as I failed you as your friend.”

Anakin remained silent, but Obi-Wan didn’t regret bringing it up. If the deception and betrayal was the division that would keep them apart forever.

“You—” Anakin started, and Obi-Wan braced himself for his anger. He deserved it. “I always thought my master was so wise, the wisest Jedi of the Order. But you’re such a dumbass, Obi-Wan.” Anakin barked out a laugh, but it sounded wet, like he was also choking back tears.

“I’ve always cared about you, always too much,” Anakin said. “I never even told you how much I—“ He bit off his words. “And then you were _gone.”_

Oh, how his heart ached at the thought of the pain he had caused his dearest friend. Guilt coursed through him like a raging torrent.

“And that somehow wasn’t the worst part. That you had been taken too soon,” Anakin continued. “No… the worst part was that you chose to do that. You _chose_ to put me through that pain.”

“You were gone, and it felt like you took a part of me with you. There was this- this _void_ where your presence had been for as long as I could remember. And nothing felt like peace anymore. Nothing felt like home.”

Cracks formed in Anakin’s shields as he continued, and the intensity of the hurt leaking through was overwhelming.

“I had lost you. But… but after you came back, it didn’t even feel like you were back. It was as if I had lost you in a different way.” Anakin’s words were like a stake through his heart “Because of that… I couldn’t reach out to you. I didn’t think I could ever have you in my life again. Now you can say that you would never make that choice again, but that doesn’t change that at the time _you did_. You didn’t consider the consequences until you actually had to deal with them. You- you had made it clear which of us cared more.”

The sting of Obi-Wan’s own admonishments he’d given Anakin regarding consequences felt like a slap in the face. He bitterly cursed himself for ever allowing Anakin to believe that he hadn’t cared, or that he had somehow cared less for Anakin when in reality he cared more than he ever should.

Suddenly, Anakin’s hand came to rest on Obi-Wan’s knee, catching the older man off guard. “And somehow, despite all of that, I’m… still glad that you’re here now.” The sincerity in Anakin’s voice and in his clear blue eyes threatened to drown Obi-Wan, and he was more than willing to sink downwards the longer they locked gazes. Finally, Obi-Wan tore away, lest the tide pull him under for good.

“I- I am too,” Obi-Wan replied. He still struggled to believe Anakin’s words, but a greater part of him desperately wanted to.

Anakin seemed at a loss as Obi-Wan pulled away. Whatever fleeting moment between them was gone, but he wasn’t even sure he hadn’t imagined it in the first place. Though he knew he didn’t imagine the chill that suddenly shot through the Force, sending an uncomfortable shiver down his spine.

He could feel Anakin’s light in the Force abruptly dim, like shutters slamming closed as Anakin withdrew into himself. Obi-Wan wasn’t sure where he had misstepped, but he already dearly wanted Anakin’s warmth back. He wanted his friend to come back to him, but Anakin slipped just out of reach.

“I’m glad that you’re here for Luke and Leia too- here to keep them safe. I’m not sure—” Anakin trailed off, falling quiet as his brow furrowed. 

“...Is there something wrong, Anakin?” Obi-Wan asked, concern flooding his mind.

“What if... it’s me?” His voice was hushed, and Obi-Wan wasn’t quite sure if he heard him correctly.

“Come again?”

Anakin swallowed thickly before speaking again. The words seemed painful for him to speak, as if fearful saying that them aloud would imbue them with truth. “What if… I’m the darkness? What if I’m the cause of all of the shatterpoints Mace has seen? He always said I was...” 

Obi-Wan wasn’t sure what would lead Anakin to think such a thing about himself. Anakin, the brilliant shining beacon in the Force, the war hero who saved countless lives, the man who adored his children more than anything.

“That’s nonsense, Anakin. Where is this even coming from? I know you’ve struggled with your doubts in the past, but I have no doubt that you would do anything to keep Luke and Leia safe,” Obi-Wan objected.

“That’s the problem!” Anakin shouted, drawing further away from Obi-Wan, as though what progress they had made was swept away by a sudden riptide. “I would do _anything.”_

There was a beat of silence as what Anakin meant settled in. 

“You said it yourself, I’m dangerous.” The Force was roiling, his anger seeping out like venom and tainting the air around them.

“When in the world did I say such a thing, Anakin?”

“When Master Qui-Gon brought me to the Temple,” he answered simply.

Obi-Wan was at a loss at Anakin’s sudden turn. He was scarcely making any sense. “Anakin, that’s hardly—“

“Well, you were right,” Anakin spoke over him. “You were right, and the Council was right. I can’t- I can’t control it. It swallows me whole, and I _let_ it.”

“When I held my mother in my arms, the light disappeared, and I let the darkness guide me. And that wasn’t the last time either, I touched the darkness after you died, too. I wanted to kill the scum that had taken you from me,” Anakin’s face contorted in a scowl as he recalled his reaction to Obi-Wan’s ‘assassination.’

“Oh, my padawan, what- what happened?” Obi-Wan managed to ask, knowing Anakin’s answer could destroy his heart.

“I killed them. I killed them all.” Tears poured down Anakin’s cheeks, a sharp contrast to his words. “The Tuskens killed my mother, so I killed them _all._ Like they were mindless animals, and I- I became the very monster I was destroying.”

The world screeched to a standstill, as if everything around them had frozen or simply ceased to exist. A tear rolled down Obi-Wan’s cheek, too, but he didn’t even notice until he tasted the salt on his lips. How could he have never known? How could Obi-Wan have continued on, entirely ignorant to his padawan’s suffering? To the atrocities he had committed?

Grief and pain radiated off of Anakin in waves, stronger than Obi-Wan had ever felt from his padawan before, but beneath it all, he could sense a faint tendril of regret and perhaps fear.

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan’s voice was far from steady. He was absolutely broken from the horrific truth Anakin had shared with him after all these years. “Have you told anyone else about this?”

“Only two people. Padmé was with me on Tatooine. I— I don’t know what I would have done without her that day.”

“...Who is the second person?” Obi-Wan asked, dreading the most likely answer.

Anakin averted his gaze. “The Chancellor knows, too, but he would _never_ betray my trust. Not about this.”

The words settled like lead in Obi-Wan’s stomach. Once again he found himself questioning how Anakin had trusted Palpatine with such a secret. If only he had been there for his padawan, if only— 

There was too much running through Obi-Wan’s mind, trying to determine the moment when he failed his padawan, how he could have completely missed such a thing happening. Something told Obi-Wan that he needed to speak, that he needed to let Anakin know that he would never abandon him, but the ability to form words had escaped him. 

There was nothing either of them could do to fix the past, to reverse the atrocities committed, to return the lives lost to anger and vengeance. The only path was forward.

The tense silence made Anakin grow more apprehensive. “I don’t expect your forgiveness, Obi-Wan. I won’t ask for it, I don’t want it.”

Finally, Obi-Wan found his voice again. “No, but you deserve my support. As you did then, especially. I am so sorry I was not there when you lost your mother, Anakin. I truly failed as your master in more ways than I could have ever imagined.”

He searched for the right words, not to absolve the horrors- but to show compassion as a proper Jedi should. A proper Jedi, and not an overly attached former master desperate to be there the way Obi-Wan had failed to before.

“Anakin, I can’t condone your actions. They were terrible, and you yourself have acknowledged this. You can spend your whole life trying to make up for it, but it is something you will have to carry with you until the end. What you can do, what you _must_ do, is learn to not give in to the darkness, to resist it even at your lowest,” Obi-Wan said as he struggled to keep his voice even.

His own memories came flooding back unbidden. Memories of overwhelming loss, the shattering of his training bond and the vengeance and hatred that had fueled every swing of his saber. Obi-Wan wished there was a simple way to let Anakin know he understood, to let him know he would never turn him away, never abandon him for losing his way in the past.

“Anakin, we all feel the pull of the darkside. It is a challenge we all must face. I know it all too well, myself. I have taken a life in revenge before-” It would be all too easy to get lost in those dark memories of that day on Naboo. “We call them monsters to try to justify our own actions, but in doing so we become no better than they are.”

“Yours didn’t quite stick,” Anakin muttered. “Last I checked, Maul is still alive somehow.”

“I believed him to be slain by my own hand and I lived with the weight of my actions for over ten years,” Obi-Wan said. “It was not my place to decide whether he should live or die, and my actions have had lasting consequences.”

Anakin sniffled a bit before looking back up at Obi-Wan finally. His eyes were red from his tears, making their blues even more brilliant in the daylight. A horrid thought crossed Obi-Wan’s mind— the thought of what Anakin would look like with the cruel, golden eyes of a Sith. He squashed the idea as quickly as it came, sickness roiling through him for such a thought even crossing his mind.

It was not the Jedi way to live in the past, to question every single what if that may plague one’s mind. But in that moment, Obi-Wan wanted nothing more than to have been there for Anakin.

“If only I had been there for you, Anakin.”

Anakin worried his bottom lip. “I believe you were a bit tied up then.”

“I— Yes, I suppose so— but even before, when you mentioned your dreams. I should have taken them more seriously than expecting that they would simply pass. If only I had pressed you to share more about—”

“Of course you somehow found a way to feel guilty about something you had no part of,” Anakin said, a bitterness to his tone. “You realize that not every problem in the entire galaxy actually involves you, don’t you, Obi-Wan? You can’t save the entire galaxy on your own.”

“No, I don’t suppose I can,” Obi-Wan admitted. “Though I had hoped I could at least have been there for my padawan. You were my responsibility.”

“Well, I’m not your padawan anymore.” Anakin rolled his eyes in exasperation, and there was a pregnant pause before he added. “Is that all you see me as? Is that all I’ll ever be to you?”

Obi-Wan hesitated for a moment, taking in the man beside him. Physicality aside, Anakin was far from the young boy he had trained all those years ago. He had proven that in the years spent fighting at Obi-Wan’s side in the war.

“No, it’s not. And I suppose you haven’t been my padawan in quite some time,” Obi-Wan answered. “Somewhere along the way, you became my equal, Anakin. My equal and my dearest friend.”

Anakin's eyes went wide at the admission, as though he'd never expected to hear those words from Obi-Wan, and Obi-Wan's breath hitched in momentary grief. Had he truly been so distant? But then, Anakin's shocked expression turned softer. The smile Anakin gave him wasn’t his brilliantly blinding one, but a more tender expression, one that seemed to be meant for only Obi-Wan. In that moment, there was no way Obi-Wan could reveal the true depth of his feelings for Anakin. For years, Obi-Wan cared for Anakin more deeply than anyone else in the galaxy. More than he ever had any right to.

Though Obi-Wan’s heart and soul still ached knowing the horrors of the past, the Force felt somehow lighter after they purged their secrets that had been hidden in the depths. The bond between them thrummed with a harmony Obi-Wan had never experienced before, blooming into bursts of light as Anakin reached out to him through it. Obi-Wan freely opened his end of their bond, allowing Anakin in as he wound his own presence around Anakin, pushing forth every ounce of his support and acceptance.

This connection was… something much deeper than their old training bond. Born of their years together, the way they had always fit together like two halves of a single being. Obi-Wan knew it was something he shouldn’t allow to form, let alone encourage. But it filled his lungs with a breath of fresh air; warmed his soul like the gentle kiss of sunlight. And he couldn't help but latch onto it like a man afraid of drowning, losing all the splendors of it, if he let go. He finally felt alive again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fire seems to be a key theme in Naboo funeral practices (as we see with the candles at the end of ROTS), and candles or lanterns are a common practice in many cultures across the world. I decided to incorporate this with the Naboo's belief that ashes be thrown into the river to return the life force of the dead to the planet's core. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please let me know what you thought of it <3 Thank you for reading!
> 
> You can find me at [elysian-prince ](https://elysian-prince.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.


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